Hatchet

Looking for some old-school horror with a healthy dose of laugh-out-loud comedy? This over-the-top gorefest kicked off a successful - and controversial - horror franchise that we are dipping into for the first time on this show. We had lots of fun talking about Hatchet this week!

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Hatchet (2006)

Episode 298, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Craig: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Craig.

Todd: And I’m Todd.

Craig: We, this week are, or, or today w you know, whenever this gets posted, um, We’re talking about a movie. We, uh, we are just flooded with requests. You know, we have this huge list of requests and we’re getting requests from our patrons, which we very much appreciate. And, you know, with all of that, I thought I’m just going to pick something I want to do.

Todd: You’re going to treat yourself today. A little something for you.

Craig: Uh, honestly we have so many requests that, you know, whatever we decide to do, we usually just have to go through the request list because somebody is usually requested it, but not this one’s true. The reason that, uh, this one came to mind for me is because over the six, seven years we’ve been doing this, we’ve pretty much.

Almost every major horror franchise, but there are just a couple that we haven’t hit yet. And one of those is, uh, the Hatchet franchise we’ve never hit before. And we’ve never even really talked about it very much. No, we haven’t. It crossed my mind in thinking about what we were going to do for today. Um, and I looked it up and it’s easily acceessible, uh, online, you can find it for free on multiple platforms. I watched it on Tubi. Now, if, if you watch on Tubi, um, it’s ad supported, so you have to watch commercials, which is kind of annoying, but I don’t know if I’ve said this before. I may have I subscribe to a bazillion different streaming services and more often than not.

I find myself watching stuff on Tubi of all of, all of the streaming platforms. They have an amazing horror catalog. Like it’s just enormous and, and, you know, mainstream stuff, a lot of stuff you’ve never heard of. And, and granted. A lot of it is crap. Like, uh, I’ll, I’ll put something on. And within the first five minutes, I’ll say, I can’t watch this, but if you can Wade through that stuff, you can find some really interesting stuff on there too.

And there is some, you know, some mainstream, critically acclaimed stuff on there. So there’s my little free advert for Tubi Tubi. If you’re listening. I have Venmo and PayPal just hit me up happy to 

Todd: promote your free service money.

Craig: But this movie is Hatchet from 2006, uh, written and directed by an up-and-coming director named Adam Green, who has done some other stuff. Um, probably. Um, most notable other film is a movie called Frozen, uh, not the Disney princess movie, frozen seeing also lovely. No, we haven’t done Frozen. Have we, have you seen it?

It’s about friends who get trapped. They get trapped on a ski lift. Yeah. It looks cool. And yeah, it is. And, and, you know, I mean, that’s the premise three friends trapped on a ski lift after everybody else leaves and it’s the end of the weekend. So they’re going to be stuck there for God knows how long.

Anyway, I liked that movie too. Maybe we’ll talk about it someday. But beyond that, Adam Green is known mostly for this franchise. There are four films in the franchise. Um, Adam Green wrote, I believe. All of them, except maybe number three. I don’t remember. He directed all of them except for part three. And for part three, he was busy with something else.

And so he chose one of his head. Camera operators, I think from, from the other movies to direct that one, but it’s, it’s a four film franchise we’re talking about the first one, the other ones are interesting and we’ll probably at least touch on those as we go along. But this is, I get the feeling that Adam Green is a horror fan and he’s a fan of eighties slasher movies. And he wanted to make one and he did. And I have no idea. This guy must just have some magic in the way of connections because yeah, I mean, this is one of his first films. I mean, he had done some stuff before that, but nothing, almost nothing. Yeah. And he, he has huge, huge horror icon.

In this movie, I mean, virtually everybody you see in this movie, you are going to recognize from some of, from something and some of them are huge, huge, huge, or horror icon. 

Todd: Yeah. He, uh, moved, I think to Los Angeles while he was developing something called coffee and donuts. It was, um, something that I guess got some interest in the industry.

Uh, it was something that I think was like a stage play or something that he put on. And, uh, there was some interest to develop it for a TV series and he moved to Hollywood, but then, um, things fell through pretty quickly with mergers, between networks and whatnot. And he ended up struggling quite a bit, basically as a page boy, as an assistant, uh, on the sets, he was deejaying somewhere.

He also, he’s also big into heavy metal and play with metal band and has a relationship with the guar folks. He did end up, uh, getting that TV series made like decade later. But in the meantime, he was down to a point where he was like eating, like, I guess while he was deejaying at this club, he was eating people’s leftover food, pulling stuff out of the trash.

I mean, like. Pretty much that desperate and according to him, anyway, he was looking at the horse scene at the time and was kind of disgusted because this is what 2006, this is a, we’re kind of on the heels of the torture porn era. And he was like, everybody’s either interested in torture porn or remakes.

Nobody is doing anything new. And so why don’t I just kind of combine the two things, I’ll take something classic that we like, but instead of making a remake of it, we’ll just make a new one, you know, a new iconic character like Jason Vorhees or Freddy Krueger, and just do an old school type slasher, but in a slightly different way.

And his different way of doing it was injecting the humor into it, like the outright humor. And I read an interview with him where he said that he deliberately packed. Cast with comedians, just because those comedians, they kind of get it. They have the right timing and everything to make their characters believable and interesting.

And whereas the old school slashers, you know, their characters are just kind of throw away. They don’t, they don’t do a lot for character development. He’s like, even though I’m not going to really change that formula much, it’s still going to be five minutes and you’re still waiting for the next person to get killed, you know, but instead I’m going to take that space in between the killings and actually have some.

Interesting funny characters that you kind of actually believe are real people, and maybe you’ll be a little sad that they’re, that they’re debt. And to that, I, I think he succeeded. I really do. I mean, it’s, for me, this is my second time watching the movie. I think that, uh, he pretty much did what he set out to do, and it’s super cool to see all the cameos in there from all these.

People like Cain hotters in there. He plays the villain. It’s out with Robert England, you know, in a boat. I mean, you would just have to think that there was so much interest in the script that he was able to get people on. Like there’s no way he knew he had such deep connections at that time he had connections, but they can’t have been that.

Craig: That trend carries through the rest of the sequels. I don’t think I’ve seen all of them. I know I’ve seen the second one. You know, he just gets these great people from classic horror movies. I know Phyllis or roses in one of them, the girl, I can’t think of her name, but the lady who played the DJ in Texas chainsaw, two a is on one of them.

Caroline, somethings her name. I can’t remember. It continues. He keeps getting these great people, but there are so many, um, in this one, and I do think it had to have had this script somehow must have caught somebody’s attention. And I understand why, because this is a funny, um, I think it’s really funny.

Like the, the dialogue is really quippy. Almost to the point where it could get kind of into eye-roll territory. But for me, it doesn’t, I was smiling and laughing out loud through this whole movie. And a lot of it of course, is the writing, but he’s got some ex. Comedians, like you said in here, comedic actors who have a history, uh, in comedy.

Uh, and, and it just worked really well for me. In addition to that, it’s really kind of a straightforward eighties, slasher, you know, with a backstory and kind of a. Tragic villain slash anti-hero. But at the same time, the, the killer is in a very humorous way. Just kind of stock. Like I, you know, like he’s, he’s this, you know, disfigured Backwoods guy and it just cracks me up every time that he would just from the bottom of the screen.

Pop into the shop, 

Todd: literally just, 

Craig: ah, 

Todd: around talking and then suddenly,

Craig: and he just stands up and shakes his fist and they all scream and run away. Yeah, he slowly pursues them and he just, wherever they are, he just pops up. Oh God, it’s so funny. It’s funny because it’s so typical, but it it’s played straight in those. Other movies and it’s played for the humor here, but it still works as a slasher.

There’s tons of violence. There’s tons of gore green actually had a major, major problem with the NPAA. When he submitted this film, they slapped an NC 17 on it, and he had to keep cutting things in order to get the R, which he eventually did. But by the time that happened, he said that. So much of what he wanted this movie to be was stripped away to the point that it wasn’t even the movie that he wanted to make.

He. I don’t know if it was in a print interview or what, but I saw that he said that everything that I had promised the audience in the teasers, in the posters, all of that was gone. It was, it was stripped away. Um, and he was really disappointed. They did eventually release, um, an unrated DVD or blue. Cut which restored all of the violence.

And you can see that. And it’s only like one additional minute of footage. Um, but, uh, apparently he was really upset by that so much so that when he went to make hatchet too, he’s like, you know what, BNPA, I’m not going to have this movie rated, I’m going to bypass them. I’m going to release an unrelated, uh, unrated.

And he did, and he made a. Deal. He struck a deal with AMC, um, that they were going to show they were going to screen the movie unrated and, uh, as part of some sort of promotion or something. And so it opened in early October within a matter of hours. It started getting pulled from theaters. And within a matter of just, I think three or four days, it was completely in a hundred percent polled from theaters.

Adam Green believes that it was because of pressure from the MPA. Uh, he thinks that they wanted to make an example of him that, uh, if you try to bypass us and released something unrated, it’s going to. And, and he also believed that from that point, moving forward, they were going to have their eye on him and they were going to continue to try to make an example of him.

And he just didn’t understand it. He said, you know, when. Movie came out. It came out at almost exactly the same time as the Hills have eyes, the remake. Um, and you and I have both seen that and that movie is brutal and nasty and violent and disturbing. And he said, and that movie. You know, it was a big studio movie was going to bring in a lot of money.

Um, it got an R no problem, no cuts necessary, but here my stupid little movie with, you know, a guy ripping people’s heads off and he said it doesn’t even make any sense. He’s like, yeah, there’s tons of violence and tons of gore, but it’s dumb. It doesn’t, you know, 

Todd: Plus there’s, it’s a comedy there’s gags and there’s jokes and things throughout it’s supposed to be lighthearted, you know, not like the Hills have eyes, my God.

Craig: Right. Which again, and he said, I’m not dissing those movies is that I love those movies. They’re great movies. I just don’t understand why my little moon. Is getting treated it’s politics, a hundred 

Todd: percent politics. 

Craig: Yeah. Oh, it’s it’s politics and business and bureaucracy. And I know that, you know, Wes Craven, butted heads with the NPAA throughout his career, it’s unfortunate.

And you know, we’ve talked about, Heather asked us about this, uh, in our interview, which you can access via our Patrion account, if you would choose to support us. Um, but we talked about, you know, the movie rating system and is it even legit? Any more. Uh, and, and I think to some extent it’s really not a.

You know, there’s so much content out there in the way that it’s being released, especially through streaming services and online platforms. Um, I don’t know that there’s really any necessity for the MPA anymore TV. 

Todd: Doesn’t go through the MPA and, you know, game of Thrones and all of these multiple hours long epics that you can watch on, on any streaming service.

And every single streaming service has their own exclusive content. There’s more stuff being put out there than the MPA. Even right now. Right. It’s just a different world. It’s a different world. Yeah. 

Craig: It’s yeah, it served its purpose. I just, I think that its time has come, but we’ll see. I mean, it, like you said, it’s industry it’s money.

So I don’t think that they’re going anywhere anytime soon, but. Maybe some time in our lifetime anyway, hatchet. So we open up with two men on a boat and it’s a father and son. The father is played by fucking Freddy Krueger, Robert England, you know, I con of icons in the horror industry and, uh, his son, uh, played by Josh Leonard, who is Josh from the Blair.

Project. And they’re like hunting a Gator. This is all set in new Orleans and it’s, you know, they, they, they play up kind of the Southern new Orleans stereotypes. So these are like buy you type guy. Yeah. And they’re, they’re hunting a Gator and they’re ribbing each other and the dads call it. So on a queer and like, I mean, it’s just, it’s goofy, but it’s, it’s funny.

I mean, it, it, you, you get from the beginning, this is going to be funny. It’s going to be a comedy similar in tone. I would say, even though far more violent, similar in tone to like lake Placid, like it’s a comedy, uh, the, you know, the, the, the, the guy Ainsley, the younger guy is P enough the side of a boat.

Alligator like jumps up and snaps it as Wiener. I mean, it’s just, it’s stupid stuff. They both end up getting killed slaughtered, and you see the sun after the Gator jumps at him and goes off on land and finishes his business. And while he’s doing that, he’s trying to talk to his dad, but his dad.

Responding. When he goes back to the boat, he finds his dad, Robert England, you know, just completely eviscerated guts everywhere. Um, and then he is also slaughtered by an unseen at this point force. Um, but clearly not a Gator. Like he gets, you know, totally ripped up, like just ripped apart and. Smashed into tree trunks and stuff.

It’s very gruesome and violent and bloody as are the rest of the kills in this movie, everything, all of the effects in this movie are practical. They look amazing. Adam Green had a no CGI rule on this production. The only CGI that they used was used to remove like wire. And, and things, uh, none of the effects, uh, are CGI and they look great.

Uh, and that’s the opening scene that sets it up. And then we meet up with our main character. Ben. Uh, played by Joel David Moore. Um, who’s done a lot of stuff. I recognize him. He was in avatar. He’s slated to be in the 400 avatar secret or in production right now. 

Todd: Yeah, it does make me wonder about those SQLs.

Do you think all the actors who were in those have been liked also tied up for the last decade and a half, uh, 

Craig: who knows, who knows? Is there really anybody out there who’s like, oh man, when is that avatar 

Todd: so long for a new one? I want to see from girly with blue people again, 

Craig: please, please. I need four more.

Well, don’t worry folks. 

Todd: Yeah. The trailer for the long promise equal. Finally released recently. I know. 

Craig: And, and, and three, I think three, four and five. In pre production, but that’s another story. Um, we, we then meet, uh, okay. So it’s been in his group of friends. One of whom is played by Adam Green in a non-speaking role, just a drunk friend.

Um, but his best friend Marcus is played by Dionne Richmond. Who’s been in tons of stuff. Ever, we’ll be Rudy’s friend, Kenny from the Cosby show to me. Oh my God. He was so cute and so funny as a little kid. And he still really funny. Um, he was, he was also in, uh, not another teen movie, which is a goofy movie, but really funny.

And he played on purpose, the token black friend and, and commented on it all the time. He is just a really funny guy. And he’s really funny in this movie too, and they’re walking around and it’s new Orleans. And so there’s lots of boobs, you know, it’s, I, I’ve never been to new Orleans. And so I don’t know, you know, I know kind of the whole Marty.

Culture, but like, is that just all the time? Like, I mean, if you’re 

Todd: maybe to a smaller extent, I was there during St. Patrick’s day once, and they had a smaller scale St. Patrick’s day parade beads were thrown and stuff, but there wasn’t much of this going on. Jay, basically a Mardi Gras thing. And by the way, I’ve been to new Orleans many times, and it is my absolute hands down without a doubt far and above my favorite city in the entire USA.

It is so chock-full of history and interesting culture. I mean, the, the blending of the cultures down there is just unique. It is so different. And so cool after hurricane Katrina happened, I was so distraught. The fact that new Orleans might be destroyed. I went down there with a group of college students to help with cleanup, and I will watch any movie that ever takes place in new Orleans, which reminds me, we need to, we need to get the skeleton key on our list.

Yeah. Yeah. It’s a really good one, but I love the fact that this movie is set in this environment, even though it moves us into the Bayou, which could very well be. And he woods anywhere at that point, but it’s just cool that, you know, he, he did this, uh, it offers opportunity for humor and some interesting characters that 

Craig: we see as well.

And this movie was one of the last movies shot new Orleans before Katrina, but I know that, you know, post Katrina, they continue. To try to do as much of their production throughout for the rest of the series in new Orleans, just to support the economy. It, like I said, I’ve never, I’ve never been there, but my mom has, and she says that it’s one of her favorite cities too.

She was there pre-Katrina and she said, uh, that she really, really liked it. She wasn’t there during Mardi Gras or anything like that. But she said the only thing that she didn’t liked about it was especially down by bourbon street. The whole place, just reeks a vomit

and maybe

Todd: on the weekends, 

Craig: you know, what, what you see here is, is very stereotypical Mardi Gras type stuff, like women flashing for beads, people, partying, drinking, having a good time. Um, but you know, also puking on the street and blah, blah, blah. Uh, Ben is over it because he’s just gotten dumped by his long-term girlfriend.

And so he’s not into all this partying. And so he says that he wants to go on like a haunted swamp tour because some friends, some friends had told him it would be. 

Todd: It’s a joke that keeps coming up. 

Craig: How was this fun? This place is disgusting. Our hotel room smells like sweaty balls, man. I mean, everybody’s just drunk and looking for a fight.

You, you threw up six times yesterday. How do you even do that? You guys are staying have fun. All right. I’m going to go find something to do by yourself. Dewitt and Robinson told me about this haunted swamp tour thing that they did last year. They said it was amazing. You see all these like floating lights.

All the water. 

Todd: So it’s like all he can talk with everybody. He’s that one geeky guy. He’s like when I went to Vegas with my buddy friends and they were interested in these very serious sort of adult things, and I was like, Hey, I heard like, there’s a new show over at the casino. I want to go see Cirque de Solei.

And they’re like, all right. All right, Todd, you go see certainties. We’re not interested.

Craig: Oh, they missed out, man. Anyway. Um, but so the rest of his friends don’t want to go, but Marcus says that he’ll go with them. I think he kind of feels sorry for me. They’re best friends, whatever they go to, uh, Reverend zombies who do shop to set up this tour it’s closed, but they knock on the door and Reverend zombie answers the door and it’s Tony Todd playing, uh, like a, like a voodoo priest, but.

Not really like a bourbon street food increase. And he says that he can’t do tours anymore after. What happened the last time. And he tells this very long story. I wish I could do a Tony Todd voice, but I can’t in that deep gravelly, scary voice. He tells this long story and you’re just waiting. Like what happened?

You got 

Todd: spooked by something in the marsh, 

Craig: saw two eyes staring at him, pinpoints children. There’s the very metal they wanted to get off.

Dangling over the edge. He fell and got him. What happened? He slipped his hit right on the roof and food me for negligence. Got back up like that. So that’s the conclusion of the story. So he can’t do it anymore, but he’s like, you know, check down at, uh, Marie Lou Vose house of voodoo there. I think they’re still doing one.

And so they, they head down there. Um, Ben just casually sees a t-shirt with an ax on it that says Victor Crowley lives. We meet the rest of the people who are going on this tour. Um, two girls. Misty and Jenna Misty is played by Mercedes McNabb. Who’s done a lot of stuff. She was in the Adams family when she was a little.

And she was really funny in that, even though it was just a bit part. I remember her as harmony from Buffy, the vampire Slayer and angel, and she was fricking hilarious on that show. And then Jenna played by a lady named Jolie Fiori who has done a lot of TV and stuff, but I didn’t recognize her, but they’re shooting like a girls gone wild type film called Bayou beavers.

Todd: It’s so great. 

Craig: They’re just shaking their naked boobs around, 

Todd: flashing their boobs throughout the movie. It’s hilarious. 

Craig: I’m pretending to make out with each other. It is hilarious. Like it’s, I’m sure you and my. Straight friends, you know, very much appreciated that for me, it was just hilarious. Like it was just so comical that at every turn, their camera man played by bill Murray’s brother, Joel Murray, just every, like, if, if it’s like in fast food, like if there, if there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean.

Like if we have a second pop. You know, I’m going to get some footage 

Todd: just a bit. I got a new battery.

Craig: Absolutely hilarious. And Joel Murray, you know, is, is a funny guy. He was in Scrooged with his brother. He’s one of the. Three Murray. I 

Todd: think they’re like nine of them is a ton of 

Craig: Murray brothers. They’re there. Yeah. There’s a bunch of the brothers. I don’t know how many of them act. I know at least three.

Yeah. Um, but he, and he’s younger and he’s funny. You’ll recognize him. You’ve seen him and stuff. He’s a funny guy. And then we meet the tour guide. Sean played by a kid named Perry shin and he’s like goofy. And over the top, trying to put on this new Orleans accent, even though he appears to be of like, He’s Pacific Islander or Asia.

Todd: Well, 

Craig: what can I do you too full? Do you do a haunted swamp tour? Well, I do their own. They’re holding swamp tool, real love ghosts, tales of the macabre and actual stats that are still down by a voodoo curses.

But it’s trying to put on. No Harlan’s accent. And like it’s, it’s, it’s just, it’s just as bad as mine just, well, just 

Todd: like earlier, uh, when like later when park, it says the only scary thing about this tour is Mr. Uncle Remus meets Bruce Lee up there. Yeah.

Craig: Oh, he calls him lots of different names and they’re all totally appropriate. It’s hilarious. But he’s the goofy tour guide. And then, um, there’s also a middle-aged couple, uh, from Minnesota. Jim played by Richard real who has been. Pretty much everything you’ve ever seen. 

Todd: Every movie in existence, he has almost 500 IFDB credits.

This man is insanely hard working actor. It’s crazy. Yeah. 

Craig: And his wife, um, Shannon played by a lady named Patricka. Darbo who I know from drum roll days of our lives, 

Todd: I guess it’s because you mostly, you mostly watch days of our lives. You didn’t pick up the Perry Shen’s most of his stuff is general. 

Craig: Huh?

Oh, yeah, I did see that, but yeah, I never watched the general hospital, uh, this, this lady, um, Patricka Darbo I loved her on days of our lives because she’s funny. She’s a little kind of row tons. Woman, but, but the, the gag on, um, days of our lives was that she was married to this super, super hot doctor. And, uh, they were just all over.

All the time. It was just so funny to see this little, you know, stout lady and her big, hot husband, just like, you know, soap, opera, gays, and like passion. It was great. She was really funny. They’re going to, and then the last guest is a kind of sullen young lady named, um, Beth and she is played by a Mara.

Todd: Zahra goes up 

Craig: E yeah. Um, in, in all of the SQLs, she was recast, uh, with Danielle Harris who is in her own right. A horror icon. Um, but try as I might, I could not. Find out why? I don’t know if, uh, the original actress chose not to come back or if they just wanted to cast somebody who was a more recognizable horror icon.

I don’t know. I love Danielle Harris. She’s great. And so I was happy to see her in the sequels, but I kind of felt bad for. Mara’s R goes up, but she, uh, had a roll on gossip girl. She’s done tons of TV. She’s very pretty. And she does a fine job in this movie. So they take a bus and they kind of go through new Orleans or, you know, the city, uh, the French quarter and whatnot.

And then they get to the Bayou and they board the scare boat, which is just a pontoon boat, like decorated with like Halloween lights and stuff. Oh, it is, but it looks super fun. I am such a dork and I know that you are too, like, I would be so down for this, like I know it’s going to be cheesy and stupid and I don’t care.

That’s part of the charm of it. You know, it’s like those roadside, a chat attractions in the Midwest that, you know, they’re goofy and cheesy, but there’s just something charming about them. And I really have just kind of loved that kind of local flavor. Type thing. If I ever do go to new Orleans, I want to go on a swamp tour.

I want to see the ghost. Like, I don’t feel like it would really be the full experience if I didn’t see that. 

Todd: For sure. For sure. Yeah. You got to do it. You got to do the ghost tour. You got to tour, you gotta do the, the blue bus tour. You gotta do everything in new Orleans. As far as I’m concerned, there’s a definite layer.

Corniness to those aspects of the city, like voodoo is a real thing. And it’s a very deeply held belief that is well practiced. And well-rooted in new Orleans tradition and people there. I mean, it’s a serious thing, but then like everything else in America, it can easily be exploited for money. Sure. And you get that all the time down there as well.

But, uh, so yeah, this is, this is, again, just in keeping with, you will find this kind of thing in new Orleans all the time, this sort of swamp tour ghost thing, uh, very inequalities and this guy says, sure, absolutely. It’s pretty interesting. 

Craig: It’s terrible. And as he’s trying to launch the boat, somebody else, somebody, some by you hit.

Rowboat yelling at them. Like, where do you think you’re going? This swamp is closed. Uh, any, and he says something about, uh, Victor Crowley, but the tour guides like, oh no, you know, he’s just, this, he’s just. Crazy guy drinks, his own pee and just wave. So everybody waves at him. Then he takes a swig out.

Todd: That’s disgusting. And that was another Cammy out there. Did you, uh, you don’t even know who this guy was, John. Well, you ought to John Carl Buco Buechler, buckler. I’m not sure how you pronounce it. I mean, he directed one of your favorite movies of all time. Troll. Yeah, seriously, as well as cellar dweller.

Remember. And, um, I guess also the Friday, the 13th part seven, he was also responsible for directing. So, uh, and he’s, he’s been act, he’s acted in a number of horror movies and some of his, and some other ones and stuff here and there. 

Craig: I F I figured as much, I figured it had to be a cameo. I don’t know why I didn’t click on his name.

He reprises his role in the SQL, but he gets killed off right. In the first scene. But, uh, so, so they go out and he, you know, that Sean is giving this to, you know, if you look over liar all or you’ll see, like it’s so stupid coming up, you all see old house with old bomb behind it. That right there is a home of a real famous Louisiana legend.

Victor crown hatchet. Legend is, is that, uh, he was a default man whose own father went nuts and whacked him in the face of the whole. Oh, the only kind of, he was a solar ugly or something anyway, he died. And so the story goes is that if you ever near the all crowded house late at night, it’s still he’ll pick the Crowley crowd for his dad.

I know who did it again? That ain’t the story.

It’s hilarious. It’s also hilarious to me that she’s like, all, like, that’s not the real story. And then later she tells the story and it’s exactly the same, except for like, except for like a few minor details that are just extra. Like it’s not, it’s not like anything that Sean said, wasn’t true. It’s just like, apparently.

Angry that he left out these. Little details, which is 

Todd: funny because this is what Adam Green said. When he was coming up with hatch with the Victor crawly thing, he was like, he wanted to keep it simple and just needs to be something you can tell your friends, you know, uh, this dude’s dad hit him in the head with an hatchet through the door, and nobody’s sure if he’s alive.

Boom. Just sorta like Jason, you know, sorta like Freddy, very simple. And that’s, that’s a smart 

Craig: philosophy. It’s more like Jason, because like Jason, he’s kind of a tragic figure. And I actually thought that they played, you know, Victor Crowley, the killer and the movie is just a brutal killing machine. But you know, when Mary Beth eventually tells her version of the backstory, we actually get to see it play out on screen.

And I thought that this was done really well. Kane hotter plays the killer Victor Crowley, but he also plays sand’s makeup. Crowley’s dad. And we see this whole story about how, you know, he was born deformed, but his dad liked, liked him. His dad loved him and you know, tried to protect him and, and you see them like sitting together and his dad feeding him and this deformed kid.

Uh, you know, his face is just terribly disfigured, um, is eating and like, you know, the food is falling out of his mouth. It’s gross, but it’s 

Todd: falling on his little doll. 

Craig: He’s holding onto a bait, like cradling a baby doll. And, um, and he seems comfortable and safe and happy with his dad and, and his dad Kane Hodder is a giant of a man, but he’s, he’s a handsome man.

You know, you don’t see him in much other than horror. I get the feeling that he is. A bad actor here. He’s very sympathetic. I kind kinda got the feels a little bit, you know, in this relationship. At one point he drives into town and he’s got Victor with him and Victor is kind of wearing, you know, like a shroud and he stays in the car while his dad goes in.

And the local kids torment him, which is mean and sad. You know, that’s not nice to bully people. Ultimately the tragedy is on Halloween. The kids came to their house out on the bike. And in an attempt to draw Victor out so they could get a peek at him. They throw a fire, works at the house, which sets the house on fire.

And Victor is trapped inside and his dad, um, who hadn’t been. Uh, returns home and can hear his son screaming from the inside, but the door is on fire. So he can’t just open the door. So he picks up a hatchet and he’s trying to break the door down. But Victor, for whatever reason, I, you know, he’s a little slow or whatever.

Or, or, or he’s just scared, which would be also completely reasonable has him he’s he’s pressed himself up against the door, trying to get out. And the hatchet goes directly into his face and kills him. This backstory is explored further in, in the sequels. There’s more to it, but. Mary Beth’s story. She just tells us, you know, this devastated his father and his father just became a recluse and died sometime five, 10 years later.

And ever since then people have said that they, you know, hear the cries of Victor Crowley at night and blah-blah-blah, it’s actually kind of a sad backstory and I kind of liked it, but 

Todd: it would have been better though for him to just like a step about three feet to the right where there was no fire and just break through the.

Right. That’s true. Or maybe run around to the back door. 

Craig: Yeah. And at this God, we, we we’ve been talking for so long and, and, but this, it gets to the point they crashed the boat, sank the boat, they have to get off. The old guy gets bit by an alligator and whatever they find themselves in front of the real Crowley house.

That’s when Mary Beth tells the real story. But because the old guy’s injured, he had. Bound and determined. And like, apparently they have to go. There’s no other way they have to go right by the house, uh, in order to get to the road or anything else there there’s just no other possible way they can go.

Some of them were like, oh, this is stupid. There’s no, you know, ghost or whatever it is. And then that’s when Victor Crowley just bursts out of his head. Arm’s in the hatchet and hand. Ah,

Todd: no 

Craig: subtlety here, none at all. And I love it. It’s hilarious. Um, and he looks good. You know, the makeup, it doesn’t articulate very much. It seems mostly like a mask or different prosthetic pieces that really don’t move a lot. Um, but he’s huge. Gross and he’s scary. And he chops the old guy in half the wife.

He rips her jaw apart, um, in a great shot that I’m sure if we were talking about technicality, uh, I have no idea how they did it because the camera spun around. Okay. So you’ve got the actress and Kane hotter puts. Hands like in her mouth and starts to open her mouth, but then the camera spins around him.

And when it gets back to her, it’s now a prop. It’s a. And he rips her the top of her head completely off. I would pay $5 to see a behind the scenes of how they did that because it looked seamless. It looked really good. And then Victor Crowley chases them through the Baidu for. 30 40 minutes. Great.

Creative kills. The guy who shot the porn, he gets his head spun around 360 degrees looks fantastic. Jenna, one of the porn girls gets her face sanded off with a belt sander, which is hilarious. 

Todd: It was so funny. 

Craig: It’s so random. And apparently he used this belt. Sander is one of his weapons of throughout the rest of the whole series.

And what is it plugged into?

Todd: Well, I actually read an interview with the director and he talked about the belt sander. He said that when it came time to shoot it, he was not going to do it. He’s like, this is ridiculous. I can’t have our killer, like, you know, It’s an extension cord, pine, him running around with his belt sander. And the prop guy was like, no, we’ve got to do it.

How about if tomorrow I can whip up and bring you a gas-powered belt sander, just to prove that such a thing can exist. Will you do the same? And he’s like fine. And he says, lo and behold, the next day the prop guy had to go. Howard belt sander. It says, here you go. We’re going to do it. 

Craig: Oh God, it’s hilarious.

It’s so funny. And it’s gross and it looks fantastic. Um, and like, like I said, he just keeps, you know, they’ll, they’ll run away and then they’ll stay behind a huddle up and talk about what they’re going to do next. And then he’ll show up again. Ah, it’s almost 

Todd: like a running gag. As often as these people will like run.

For like 30 seconds and then stop and then have a conversation or argue with each other or, you know, say they’ve got it. They’re going to make a plan. And then while they’re doing that the whole, the whole time, I’m thinking you guys just need to get out of there. 

Craig: Yes. Oh God. And it’s just like, just keep moving.

I’m so glad that they stop and talk because the dialogue is so it’s banter and it’s, it’s so funny. Like I was just laughing and laughing. Um, Marcus making fun of the tour guide. Hilarious. 

Todd: The tour guides. Changing accents. 

Craig: Yes. Oh, he’s got like three different accents. I think it turns out that he’s. An American, like all of his accents are fake,

you know? Cause like new Orleans people who live in new Orleans are in America. Right. 

Todd: We know what you mean, standard American standard. 

Craig: Yeah. They find ’em. They find, they trip over the body of the camera man and they pull out his wallet and it turns out that he’s not who he said he was. He’s just some.

Average Joe who cons women into show in their boobs for so he can record it like for his private collection. And Misty says, so he didn’t really work for you 

Todd: beavers. I’m thinking about, 

Craig: you must pretend he’s a producer to get his own little collection. 

Todd: Yep. Bert. 

Craig: Why are all men such slime? I can’t believe I’ve fallen for that shit three times now.

Oh, just, just so much. Funny like, and it’s silly and it’s stupid. And I was so down for it. Like it’s a fun, this is a fun week. It’s meant to be fun. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. It’s put there for you to laugh at and to have a good time with. Oh, I just, you know, I’ve seen it several times, but as you know, uh, I, the people closest to me, aren’t huge horror fans.

So I usually watch these movies by myself. I think that seeing something like this in a theater full of people who are into this kind of thing, would just be awesome. I can’t imagine the energy and the laugh. Even just sitting around with your friends. It’s just so fun. I just think it’s super fun, but they run around.

Everybody eventually gets killed except for, uh, been Mary Beth, Marcus, and, uh, Misty. And at that point they decided they need to go back to Crowley’s house to try to find weapons. Uh, and I think that they’re going to find. A gas can and try to set them on fire. I don’t remember why they said they think that will kill him though.

So they split up. Um, Ben goes to look for the gas. Mary Beth is kind of hanging out with Marcus and they’re keeping an eye out and then Misty’s over by herself keeping an eye out. And she’s so funny, even with no dialogue, she’s just like rolling her eyes and making gestures and stuff and so funny. But then.

It cut. The camera cuts to Mary Beth and Marcus again, and they’re like taunting Victor Crowley, trying to distract him or something. It cuts back to Misty and she’s gone. Just her clothes are like draped over a Bush. And then you see been. Rooting through the gas kits. And he just gets hit in the head with Misty’s head, like just her head, just like smacks into the bed.

And then her whole torso follows, just smacks him. And then Victor Crowley shows up in the door. Ah, and they fight and they douse him in gasoline and they S they light them on fire and he’s on fire and it immediately starts rating. And put some out and then there’s a chase through a cemetery and Marcus gets killed.

I really kind of hoped Marcus was going to make it, um, cause he’s so funny, but you know, it’s. Suiting for the movie he gets is my favorite thing about Marcus is in pretty much every scene. And he’s like, this is bullshit. You could take a shot every time. He says that and have a really fun time. It’s beautiful to be here right now, man.

Just to be looking at some titties, man, what’s wrong with us

as he’s up a tree. Uh, so funny, but he gets, he gets his arms ripped off and then he gets picked up and smashed against the mazal Leah. So now it’s only been and Mary Beth left and they’re running and Victor Crowley throws a, a it’s a, a rod from like a cat, like a rod iron fence throws it. And it goes right directly into bends foot and he can’t move.

But Mary Beth says bend the, uh, rod forward. Cause Crowley’s running right at them and they do. And Crowley just impales himself through the chair. Right on it. Yeah. It’s before that, when they were being chased, um, at one point Crowley had, uh, fallen on top of Ben. So they were face-to-face and he like drooled like a gallon of mucus into.

And then in this moment where he’s like dead, like he’s not moving and they’re just standing there looking at him then out of nowhere, he just coughs a full mouth of blood right into Ben’s face. Um, so disgusting blood splatter, gore. I mean, it’s, it’s everywhere. And, and I watch. What I assume is the rated R version.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen the unrated version. I mean, I guess I’d like to, I mean, if it, if it’s really only an extra minute of footage, I feel like I’m not really missing that much. It’s still gory. It’s still fun. But anyway, they think they’re safe. They find Mary Beth dad’s boat from the first scene they get in the boat, they’re going away.

And then I didn’t see this coming, but when it happened, It was perfect because the way that it was shot, even the music, if you pay attention to it, the way that it was shot in the music is super, super reminiscent of Friday, the 13th part one, um, at the end and the exact same thing happens in Friday. The 13th young, Jason pops out of the lake and grabs Alice and pulls her under, um, here Crowley bursts out of the lake grabs.

Mary Beth pulls her under, she gets tangled up in some weeds underneath, but then she sees. Ben’s hand reaching down for her and she grabs it and, and gets pulled up. But when she gets pulled up, she finds that it’s actually Crowley with bins severed arm. And Ben is laying in the bottom of the boat with his arm, torn off.

And, um, Mary Beth and Crowley scream in each other’s face cuts to black. The end. 

Todd: It’s so interesting. 

Craig: So abrupt, so abrupt. I, I thought that something had gone wrong like that, that the version that I had seen had, had gotten cut off, um, prematurely. So I looked it up and that’s not true. It’s just that it’s a setup because part two opens in that personally.

Moment. In fact, if you watch hatchet one, two, and three, all the way through and take out the end credits in the middle, it is one continuous story that happens over the course of just a couple of days. Wow. Uh, now. The final one, which is not called hatchet four, it’s called, uh, Victor Crowley, um, is set 10 years later and it was made in secret to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the first movie.

And the critics are mixed, you know, generally speaking, this first movie got pretty good. Reviews, you know, for, for horror movie, the sequels mixed reviews. Some people like them, some people didn’t the last one, the reviews were mixed, but they were, uh, there was, uh, a major divide. Um, a lot of people, a lot of critics said that they thought that this was certainly the best SQL, if not the best.

In the whole franchise, but then the critic from bloody disgusting said, he thought that it was total crap and the worst one of the whole franchise. I haven’t seen it. So I can’t recommend it one way or the other, but I can recommend this movie because I think it’s hilarious. I think it’s a really, really fun take on eighties style slashers.

I think that Victor Crowley is maybe not as interesting as some. He’s not as interesting as Freddy, he’s not as complex. He does have a backstory. He, he, he’s a little bit of a tragic figure. Um, and he’s fun to watch. He’s he’s funny just in his, you know, just popping up and shouting, like he never, he doesn’t talk.

He doesn’t say anything. He just screamed. It he’s brutal and indiscriminate indestructable 

Todd: apparently 

Craig: indestructible, right? It doesn’t matter. You can shoot him, you can impale him, you can set them on fire. It doesn’t matter. Uh, and the CQL goes into more of that, you know, about, you know, there’s a curse that whatever, not that it’s stupid, it’s just not worth going into in detail.

Now, if you’re interested, read the Wikipedia pages or watch the movies, because there is more. To his backstory or, or whatever. Yeah. I liked it. I had seen this movie before, maybe even more than once, but I’m sure it has been at least a decade, um, and going back and watching it again. I, I had a lot of fun.

Yeah. I enjoyed it more than I remembered and I enjoyed it more than I expected. 

Todd: What surprised me the second time around. I don’t remember the circumstances on which I saw it the first time around. I know I was alone. What really got me was just how funny the movie was. I remembered it as having humorous elements, but more or less just being a straight out slasher kind of copycat movie.

But, uh, this time around it. It opened my eyes really hit home. Just how it’s almost a comedy first, really in a horror movie. Second only because my God, well, a, the subject matter and B it is one of the glorious things you’re going to see. I mean, it loves to go up close and personal with all of these effects and you and I both love that stuff.

Yeah. Do we just love the artistry of it and everything? And so. That’s definitely doesn’t disappoint in this movie at all. So yeah, all around it kind of hits all the notes. What I want to see, like four movies, just like it. I don’t know. I guess I go back and watch 80 slashers that are all basically the same, but those are products of their time.

This is a throwback. So maybe I’ll check out the second one. Yeah. If it’s as funny as this one is then. 

Craig: I think again, maybe not the third one, but the rest of them are all written by Adam Green and he wrote this one. So one would think that they would be similar in quality, but who knows? But no, I definitely do, uh, recommend this one.

I think that. Um, a lot of our listeners would really get a kick out of it if you haven’t seen it, which you probably already have, but, um, maybe, maybe it’s time for a revisit. Yeah. Thank you for listening to this episode, if you enjoyed it or had anything to say or any insights that you would like to share with us, we’re on a variety of platforms, basically anywhere that you can find podcasts.

Google two guys in a chain saw podcast. We also do have our own websites to guys that read 40 math.com. We have a Facebook page and you can leave us messages anywhere there. And we try to respond to as many of those as we can. We do also also, uh, have a Patrion campaign going on right now. Some of you have told us that you would.

To support us even more than you already do. The web address for that is Todd’s 

Todd: patron.com/chainsaw 

Craig: podcast who are so inclined. Uh, there are a few, you know, just a few bonus things for those who choose to throw us a little extra support, but we’re still here releasing our regular episodes for all of you, um, across these various platforms for free.

And we will continue to be doing. And are happy to do it and love interacting with you as much as we can until next time. I’m Craig and I’m talking with Two Guys and a Chainsaw. .


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