The Nun (2018)

Episode 339, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. 

Craig: I’m Todd. 

Todd: And I’m Craig. And today we have a very special guest with us. Say hello, Andres.

Andres: Hello everyone. It’s pleasure to be here in the show once again.

Todd: Andres is a great friend of our, of mine, uh, here in Beijing. And, uh, we actually had him with us on one of our minisodes that we did for our patrons.

We did two minisodes actually talking about The Last Of Us miniseries. And Andres being a gamer like me and a fan of the show, like me and Craig, um, all got together for our patrons and recorded a couple mini episodes about that. So if you’re interested in listening to that, just pop on over to patreon.com/chainsaw podcast and find out how you two can be a patron of the show.

So, commercial aside, we had so much fun with Andre, so we decided to have him join us for a regular podcast here, and he got to pick the movie for us this week and the film that we are doing. The nun from 2018 Andres, what made you decide for us to watch the nun this week? 

Andres: I, I gotta tell you, like for me, I, I’ve seen many, many characters that they are very iconic on, in, in horror movies, but for some reason, the nun.

Really made me gimme the, the, the, the, the scares I collect little toys with, with from characters, you know, like I got Penny Wise, I got a

Todd: Oh really?

Andres: Yeah. And, and from Necca for the brand. Necca and the only character that I am, that I don’t dare to collect. At least not yet. It’s precisely The Nun, because I still find it so scary that that even, I mean, it doesn’t matter about the movies, it’s just the character itself.

Like I don’t know if it’s because of, if he’s, because he’s a nun and then there is like some, you know, like. Something related to, to, to the, to the religion. That is something that is so vivid and so excellent. That is always there. That makes me feel that it’s, that it’s too scary and I, and I cannot even have it as a toy.

I don’t even know how people can have like, like posters in the room of the nun. I mean, I mean, I go to, I know a friend of mine, he, he actually got a poster of the, of the, of the film, you know, like the headshot of the nun, and then when you turn off the light, The eyes, they glow. Oh my God. Imagine. How is that?

No, 

Todd: he just wants to punish himself. This friend. No, man, this is, or maybe he’s trying to keep his wife and kids out of the room. Who knows? 

Andres: So, yeah. Anyway, so, so yeah, I think, I think it’s, it’s, it is the time to, to talk a little bit about the nun, because we have seen the nun in, in, in, in previous movies anyways, from the, from the Conjuring series. 

Todd: Yeah, I’d never actually seen The Conjuring part two yet. Believe it or not. I’ve, I’ve been, that’s a movie that I’ve tried to start like two or three times and for whatever reason got pulled away and never got to, to start it off. I think she at least shows up in the second one, and maybe in Annabelle as well.

That’s also in the Conjuring.

Craig: yeah. And, and I think I read that supposedly in the Conjuring one. Um. The Warren woman, whatever her name is, has a, a really, really scary vision. And even though we don’t see it supposedly in the universe, that was supposed to have something to do with the nun too. So Oh, supposedly the nun has been Yeah, I know, right?

Well, they, they, they, even, they, they backtrack on the story because they show clips from the Conjuring two in this movie. But they replaced the original actor with an actor in this movie. So like, they’re really working hard to tie all these things together, 

Todd: push it all together. They, they pulled a George Lucas on it, didn’t they?

Yes, they did. They 

Andres: did. They did. Wow. They, they have been doing that. There is how many films related from the, from the universe? I think it’s like six or seven. If no more, bunch a bunch of them, and they are somehow connected. You got, I mean, there is one that is, uh, uh, Laona, that is like, uh, one of those Yes.

Latino American. I didn’t know that. Uh, like it was actually connected to them. Well, obviously when, when you watch the, the, the, the movie, then you realize you start connecting the dots. But even Laona made it to the country in universe. That’s crazy. Yeah. One of those legends from Latin America that is in every country in Latin.

Animated there, so Yeah. Well, I I, I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen it all for, some of them might be little bit, let’s say boring. Some of us are really good in my opinion, but yeah, I mean they are, they, they really created a universe about it and I’m sure like they’re going to continue like milking that dot cow.

Oh 

Todd: God, yeah. I think so. This is 

Craig: the highest grossing of all of them and the least critically acc. 

Todd: It’s crazy. Yeah. Well, it’s not crazy. That’s pretty typical for horror sometimes. Sometimes the most, you know, the best grossing movies are not as widely critically received, but I don’t even think the general public, I don’t know it You depend, do you count really what Rotten Tomato says?

You know, when they talk about the audience O meter versus the critical O meter, you know. I don’t know. Sometimes, maybe in this case I do know that, you know, when we were talking about the Conjuring universe, the, the, the original Conjuring, the first two films and the whole universe really is based around this, uh, the Warrens, right?

Who were these real life? Yeah. Those are real characters. Yeah, real life paranormal investigators. And so, you know, they wrote some books and they have, you know, many different stories and artifacts to tell. And so it’s kind of ripe material for doing a, a controversy or whatever. But this, I think, is the only movie so far in the series that’s not really, that’s completely made up by the, the writers and directors and not related to anything the Warrens actually did in real.

Craig: Hmm. I don’t know if it’s the only one, but it is one of them. Like there is, there is a real Annabelle doll and there’s real lore behind that. And, um, yes, the first couple of movies were about, you know, real life cases and, um, they’ve alluded to, Amityville, which the Warrens were involved. Right, right. With, they haven’t done that movie, and I don’t know if they will.

And, and the curse of Laona is, you know, uh, a myth or a cultural, uh, folklore type thing. I don’t know. The, the, the most recent one, I think was called like the devil Made me Do It or something. 

Andres: I don’t remember what it was. Of the, of the country. Yeah. Yeah. It’s called like that, the, the development, which is also based in the real story.

Was it? I didn’t. Yes, it was based of a real story, and there is because after I watched this movie, I obviously, as usual, I will just go to internationally, this, this gotta be real because of, you know, all this, the country in the universe. Mm-hmm. And yeah, there is this serial killer or whatever that, that keep saying that all the time.

Like the devil made me, made me do it. So, yeah, they, they took elements from there, from, from a real story. I see. I, as you say, like Yeah. The nun, I don’t, I don’t think that there is, besides many of the, of the elements that they use in the movie that they are, of course, from real lore. Sure, sure. But, but not related.

But not related to the original characters. To the Lorraine and 

Todd: Ed. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Craig, I’d never seen this before. How. I told 

Craig: you, you texted me, this is what we’re doing. And you were like, have you seen it? And I said, yeah, I’ve seen it and I don’t remember anything about it. Which is usually not a great sign, not a good sign.

Um, so yeah, I had seen it, but 

Todd: that, but that sometimes means that, you know, this was playing while you were grading papers at school, and so you were only paying attention. I don’t know. I 

Craig: like these movies. I like the Conjuring movies. I think I’ve seen ’em all. I don’t know, there’s several Annabelle movies.

I don’t know if I’ve seen them all. I think I have, but I, I like. The series in general. I wasn’t a big fan of the Devil made me do it. I don’t remember much about it either. Um, so, you know, I went, oh, and I really like Tasa Fara, uh, a lot. Oh, she’s great. I like her a lot. Uh, she was the star of one of our favorite movies that we’ve ever done.

Yes. Um, the Final Girls, oh, 

Todd: don’t make me cry, Craig. 

Craig: And she was also in two or three seasons of American Horror Stories. She was in the first season and she was in Coven, and I think she reprised her role from Coven in a later season. Um, I really like her. I hate this movie.

I hate it. I was angry watching it. 

Todd: Oh, you were rage watching this movie, huh? Yeah. I 

Craig: hate it. It, uh, the thing that I hate about it is that it’s scary. None scary castle hot comic relief guy. Boom. That’s it. That’s the whole movie, and it makes me really 

Todd: mad. 

Andres: It, it was very predict. Very 

Todd: predictable. Oh God.

Was it predictable? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 

Craig: there was nothing to it. There’s no plot to this movie. Like there’s a, there’s a scary nun. Let’s investigate. Oh yeah. There’s a scary nun. They’re more creepy nuts. Jump scare. Jump scare. Jump scare. Hot comic relief guy. Jump, scare. Jump. Scare. That’s it. 

Todd: I, I have to say I was really, um, after a while I thought, how many cliches can you put in here?

Oh, you know. Oh man. Oh, the person looking in the mirror and, oh, okay. There’s gonna be a nun behind her in the mirror. Yep. Sure enough, there she is. How many times did she approach a praying nun? And we knew that that wasn’t actually gonna be a praying nun. Oh, it’s a don’t corpse. It’s a liar. They 

Craig: refuse to investigate that any further.

Oh, it just infuriates me. Like they, they walk into this ridiculously rundown castle convent, whatever it is that looks like it’s been unha uninhabited for centuries, and there’s just this nun. Kneeling their praying, who refuses to face them, has their back to them the whole time, and they just accept that like, that’s okay.

You don’t have to look at us. This isn’t weird or spooky at all. And, and then there’s this lurking nun, all the goddamn time, like just every, everybody out of the blue. 

Andres: There’s Nu comes out. Yeah, 

Craig: there’s a nun just lurking like in the background and they’ll see it like sneak around a corner. And there’s one part where Ta Taza Fara is following this lurking nun around and she keeps going like, Hey sister, hey.

And like this nun leads her. To Helen back, and she just, she just keeps following her. Like I would be like, uh, could you stop? Like I’m talking to you? Hello? No, she’s, Hey. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh my God. It drove me 

Todd: nuts When Father Burke leaves the castle and he’s chasing after this like, boy who looks suspiciously like this boy from his past, and he doesn’t call out a single word.

Yeah, he 

Andres: just randomly running around. Ah, that, that’s one of those glitches as well. Yeah. Like this, this boy that, I don’t know why they have to put a zombie boy there when they already have like a, like a scary enough character, but they had a bunch of just random stuff that is definitely not needed. I, I gotta tell you, like I, I thought that this movie, or at least the character itself, the nun, they could have done something very cool about it because as I say, I, I think this character.

Iconic is scary. Mm. But this movie was not, I told you this, this, at some points, it feels like an adventure movie more than a horror movie. 

Craig: Mm. Yeah. I totally agree with you. That the character is scary and they could have done something cool with the character, and hopefully they will in part two because Yep.

Part two is in pre-production. Hmm. Valek, the Demonn who takes on this nun’s, you know, persona or whatever is scary and was really scary in the conjuring two, like the nun in the Conjuring two. Super scary right here. Not at all. Not at all. Just a scary nun that just pops up every once in a while. It looks like a, like a viral video of a scare show or something like, ah, scary nun.

Like, that’s it. 

Todd: It’s like you’re getting Rick rolled by this nun through the whole movie, right? Yes. Well, there are also, I have a lot of questions about the plot and why any of this is happening at all, because it starts out with this Abbey and Romania. And by the way, if I’m gonna say good things about this movie, all right, number one, we’ve already established the nun is freaky as hell as a character, right?

Number two, the atmosphere. Was on its own really, really Halloween. It was just utterly creepy up one side and down the other. Every time it’s dark outside, there’s smoke creeping along the ground and crosses hanging and shadows and stuff. This castle in Romania? In Romania, yeah. Yeah. This convent that they, um, You know, in the movie is an actual castle in, uh, Romania.

It’s called, uh, Corbin Castle. Cor Corbin Castle. Corbin 

Andres: Castle, which is supposed to be, uh, a monastery, a past monastery called a Karta monastery. But the Karta monastery is actually in ruins. So, and they actually pick up this castle that looks, and that is in, is in Romania? Precisely in Travenia, Pennsylvania.

Yeah, you’re right. It’s in Travenia. It’s in Travenia. Mm-hmm. Yep. So just to add a little bit more to the. And today, that’s what I’m saying. Like you, you put all these things together and you’re like, okay, they’re going to come up with something pretty. But, okay, let’s carry on with the, the, the cool things.

Start, carry on. 

Craig: No, no, you’re right. It, it looks beautiful. It’s shot beautifully. I mean, it, it shows, it is, its budget. It most, if not all of it is shot on locations. The exterior filming is, is all very beautiful. Like I don’t have any complaints about that. The acting isn’t bad. No. I don’t know. Like I liked the acting, and don’t get me wrong, the comic relief.

Frenchy, super charming, super cute. I totally liked him. It was just such a corny inclusion into the movie. It was. And, and Taza PGA again, I love her. I think she’s miscast in this movie. I don’t know if she feels too young and too wide-eyed. Like I, I don’t buy her as being strong enough to deal with this on her own.

Right. Um, and, and it drives me nuts and it shouldn’t. I know that it shouldn’t, but it drives me nuts that she looks so much like her sister Vera fga, that you have to assume that there’s some sort of familial. Connection between them. I thought that’s what they were 

Todd: trying to do. 

Craig: No, according to the trivia and stuff, no, there’s not the, the director was even hesitant to cast her in the movie because the two of them are related.

But he was so amazed by her audition that he, that he just had to cast her. Oh. But then at the end, like, I can only imagine that people who may not know that Taja Fara and Vera Fara are sisters. They in the very, very last scene where they cut back to the Warrens in the future, and they’re showing this footage from the Conjuring two, but they’ve, they’ve changed it, um, to insert Frenchy into it.

They show. A still of Vera fga as a younger woman screaming and it looks exactly like tasa fga. Yeah. Like how could you miss it? Yeah. 

Todd: They’re not, they’re, they’re creating no distance there. They’ve got one shot, boom is, uh, her is um, Vera fga, and then boom, another shot is tasa fga. And it, you know, it looks like the filmmakers trying to draw some distinction, like I thought, oh, well maybe in the nun too, there’s gonna be a, some literal connection.

Like she’s her ancestor or something like that. Yeah. 

Andres: I, I was thinking something like this. I, I was trying to make some numbers there. I was thinking maybe, maybe bega was, was, I mean, the, the nu not the nun, this young nun was like the younger self. Mm-hmm. But I was like, okay, the numbers, they don’t connect here because that was supposed to happen like in 1952.

And then when we see her on the, at the country, doesn’t. In the seventies, so Yeah. But yeah, maybe, maybe like somebody from the past and, and she also has these visions. Mm-hmm. Right, right. We never, so, which Yeah. 

Todd: Which, which Elizabeth Warren has too. The visions. Yeah, that’s right. 

Andres: Exactly. So then you are like, maybe she’s like a grandmother.

She decided not to be a nun. She’s a nu 

Todd: Yeah.

Andres: I mean, I mean, if you remember that she’s, she wants to be a nun and she wasn’t really, or. Can we do a spoils here or not? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares? Nobody really cares. So, so till actually get or ordained by, by, by the priest. But then at the end, it supposed, according to the, to the tradition, like if you get ordained as a nun, you cannot.

Take out the habit anymore, right? You need to dress. I said no. And then at the end of the movie, she’s just wearing normal clothes again. Mm-hmm. So maybe just thinking like, okay, well I don’t want to be known this, this was a little bit too too scary, or it was too intense for me and I just don’t want to be known anymore.

I will have. Children and then she will have better for me in the future.

Craig: Not only in that final scene is she wearing normal clothes, but she’s wearing much more modern and trendy clothes than she’s true, true in, in any other part of the movie. True. Like even before, you know, she’s a novice or whatever you call them in the beginning, and so she wears like a white habit. She’s, she’s not ordained, but even when you see her in her civvie, You know, she’s wearing like very, very modest clothes.

Um, and, and that’s not to say that her clothes in the end aren’t modest, but she’s wearing a short skirt and, yeah, I don’t know. It’s all very confusing. 

Todd: Not, not attire well, the whole movie’s a little confusing, I think. Uh, yeah. My questions go back to the very first, well, there would be I guess the second scene, because I think the first scene is this flashback to the conjuring.

We get the Aine, Romania, and these, these ladies are walking. An almost laughably creepy corridor in, 

Craig: um, it’s freaking foggy in 

Todd: there. What? It’s foggy inside 

Andres: corridor. More foggy than it should be. It almost looked like a, like a, one of, like this video from, from Michael Jackson that there is some, somebody there, you know, like there is fog coming out.

Okay. Fog inside the castle. That there is, there is, there is. There is candles around. There shouldn’t be any fog and then there is fog in the cast. I don’t know, man. I 

Todd: was thinking, you know, universal does these Halloween horror nights. Yeah. And by God, if they haven’t done a haunted house, you could walk through based on the nun.

They need to, because this movie is chock full of it, this corridor with the smoke, and then they have like a thousand crosses hanging from the ceiling and coming out of the floor down this long corridor to a door that says God ends. And these two nuns are standing there looking very nervous, and one of them has a freaky key that they have to open the door for.

And she says, you know, we have to do this. So she opens the door, she goes into the darkness, and of course there’s some screaming, and she reaches out and she’s a little bloody. And she says, 

Craig: this evil needs a vessel to escape. It will come after you next. Don’t let it have you. You know what?

Not even. 

Todd: And so this nun grabs the key, runs upstairs to a room and, uh, in a very dramatic scene. Leaps out and hangs herself from the top floor of this Abby, which is, again, it’s all very dramatic. I mean, it’s a great setup, I think. But then as the movie goes on and I go back to the scene over and over again, and by the end of the movie, I’m like, why did they ever and open that door in the first place?

Right? Why 

Craig: were they going in there? I don’t get it. Like, I guess, okay, so they kind of explain it later that this is during world. Two. I thought this took place in the fifties, so that doesn’t even make 

Todd: it took place sense. Well, this was just after World War ii, I think. 

Craig: Okay. So they said that the bombing from the war reopened this gate that some other priests had previously sealed with.

Some ancient relic that contained the blood of Christ. Come on. Okay. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I’m telling you in my entire life, it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. 

Andres: This is Indiana Jones reference that I was talking about, Todd, like seriously, like there is the relic that you need to do something, and that is she got this vision about the virgin and they.

Mary points the way, and then you see a version with a finger pointing, and there is a light coming out of the finger point from the finger pointing to a, to a, to a door that literally says there is something inside here, put the, the, the freaking key. And again, then you, it’s supposed to be hidden there forever, and then they open it and then it’s just like clean, so golden, so pure.

Not even, not even some, some, some spider nets. Nothing. It’s just like, 

Craig: And she hears that Mary points the way thing like at the beginning of the movie, and there’s that statue of Mary pointing. Pointing, but it, it never occurs to her until later when it’s convenient. 

Todd: Right? This thing that haunted her as a child, right, has to be reminded of it by the priest who told her the story, who she told the story to.

Right. I’m standing with this so dumb. It’s pretty, it’s pretty crazy. Now, to be fair, like, you know, the church has relics, right? The church 

Craig: has, they don’t have any relics of Christ. Like 

Todd: I have the, they do have, like, there’s a place that supposedly, 

Craig: there may, there may be splinters of the cross. There may be places that claim to have splinters of the cross, but there can’t, there are no relics of Christ.

Christ was. Ascended body and soul to heaven, 

Todd: but not like his fingernail clipping or something like that before he left. 

Craig: Nothing like that. And certainly not a V, not a, not an Easter egg full of blood. There is a blood, which is what 

Todd: they have. There’s a blood of Christ Relic. I’m gonna Google this right now.

I’m pretty sure there is. Well, it’s a lie. Okay. You know, like 

Andres: now that you mention about it, like. Think about the relic itself, how big it was. It was like the size of a, like, like a, like a fache egg. Like a dog egg. Yeah, yeah, like a fge egg. And then inside there is a little, a little vessel, like, like with, with some blood on it, but very little, very little.

I gotta ask you guys thinking about, because I, I like when the movies, they connect the points and the dots and, and, and it made sense how in the world. She could suck that blood from that little Oh God pile. Underwater, underwater, 

Todd: underwater. And then when did she bite? Through the glass? 

Andres: Yeah, through the glass.

I don’t know how she did that and then throw it to the demonn, but it was like a massive amount. I don’t know how she, yeah, where she got through much blood of her mouth. To melt the shit out of the demonn. I mean, ah, these things, they really piss me off. I, I saw, I remember when I, when I saw, when I saw this, I was like, oh, come on.

Craig: No, no, no. And that’s not, I mean, it’s, it’s a movie, so you have to suspend your disbelief. And it’s not to say that that wasn’t satisfying. I mean, I saw it coming a mile away. When Tasa FGA spit the blood in the demon’s face, like, I saw it coming, that’s fine. It was satisfying. But no, it doesn’t make any kind of logical sense.

No, no. Todd, I was going to concede to you that Catholics believe that when you bless wine, it literally becomes the blood of Christ. I’m aware of that, but so that could be what they’re talking about. I looked 

Todd: it up in bruises. In Belgium, there is a basilica of the holy blood, and they supposedly have a, well, they have a relic that is supposed to be a cloth with the blood of Jesus.

So it’s not in a vial, but 

Andres: it, it’s called the I, 

Todd: there’s a couple shrouds that are supposedly are stained with blood, like the sudar of Of Oviedo, which is similar to the shroud of Tur, right? Shroud of, yeah, the 

Andres: shroud of tur. That’s the one that I was talking like, think. 

Craig: Fine, whatever. It’s stupid. There are no fache eggs filled with Christ’s judges laying 

Todd: around.

Well, well, 

Andres: I’m completely 

Todd: fresh. Here’s what I don’t get. The way I interpret this is, okay, so as you said, the backstory is that this guy, um, opened a portal to hell in the basement of this castle. 

Craig: The guy who built the castle, that was his whole purpose. He was like trying to summon demons and shit. 

Todd: And he did.

And you know, it’s, he opened this gate to hell and blah, blah, blah. But then, uh, the people came in, uh, from the crusades or whatever, and uh, sealed it with the relic. They happened to have on them by dropping a, a drop of blood on it. And then that sealed it. And then of course, uh, they killed him. And then the church took over the castle and turned it into a, Yeah.

Where the nuns in the Abbey keep constant vigil. They are constantly praying in shifts. Perpetual adoration, right? Perpetual adoration to keep the evil at bay and make sure that it doesn’t come out anymore. Okay? When Father Burke is summoned to investigate the, uh, hanging of this girl, why? Isn’t he warned by the church elders or the people in the Vatican?

Hey, by the way, in case you hadn’t heard, this is the history behind this place. Why is this something he has to discover by talking by? Eventually it comes out, actually, it comes out through con to her, through conversation with apparently a ghost. But isn’t this the kind of thing the church keeps tabs on, where their relics are, where their abbies are?

They had enough tabs on this Abbey that they’ve got people. You know, they gotta send nuns out, right? And they knew about the hanging, it was reported to them. They send Father Burke out to investigate, but they don’t say anything else. Father Burke just shows up and has to learn all about the history of this Abbey, it’s whole reason for existence in the first place.

And they didn’t even bother saying, oh, by the way, also, um, make sure those nuns are still praying. Cuz if they’re not, you’re gonna have a problem. 

Craig: Right? Like presumably their concern is about the evil. Hole 

Todd: in 

Craig: the basement. So, so, so, right. So why wouldn’t they tell them that it doesn’t make any sense. And they send, they’re like, oh, and by the way, uh, take Nurse Irene with you because she’s from there.

No, she’s not like, oh man, it doesn’t make any later. She’s like, I’m not, I was maybe born there, but I’ve never even been there. So like, it’s just dumb. And then they go and they run into, I mean, they meet Frenchy. That’s cute. And there’s, there’s, there’s jokes. Ha ha, there’s, you know, funny, oh, I put my bag on the truck when I should have put it on the horse and buggy.

That’s funny. And then they get to the castle and start meeting all of these creepy ass nuns. It doesn’t make any sense. Who are these nuns? Like, so were these the. That did live there, but now they’re all dead. But they still also are doing the perpetual adoration. 

Todd: I think the last two nuns were killed.

Well, the one committed suicide. There were only two nuns left. The one who went into the door, um, she died, obviously, and she’s said to the other girl, you know what you need to do. And so that woman killed. But I don’t understand why that’s what she needed to do. She says the demonn needs a vessel to escape.

So, uh, presumably this nun is killing herself so that she won’t be a vessel. But can’t this demonn like, walk around and find another 

Andres: vessel? Well, there is, it is supposed to be like some, some crosses around the castle to keep the evil inside or, or, yeah, to keep the evil inside. Like if he was. Pirate or something.

I don’t know, but So it should 

Todd: have been like, she should have run out. She should have run past the crosses and warned somebody. Yeah, 

Andres: that’s Cause there’s a deep, don’t go back there. You don’t need to, you don’t need to kill your, so just run 

Todd: away and keep them. We stopped praying. 

Craig: Yeah. And again, spoiler alert, it doesn’t matter because this movie doesn’t have any plot.

But in the end, it turns out Frenchie is possessed. Is Frenchie possessed the whole time? And if not, why not? Why didn’t Valek just like possess 

Todd: Frenchie to be done with it right in the beginning? Mm-hmm. 

Craig: Ah, I don’t get it. It doesn’t make any sense. So, so then they show up to investigate and it is, it’s just a, a bunch of, there’s jump scares, galore, just silly things that don’t even matter.

Like Yeah. I, I feel like they, they zombie boy let’s, yeah, the zombie boy. Let’s just think of a bunch of scary. And put them in the movie like the, the, the, the bloody dripping nun hanging. But then once she’s gone, uh, the blood still is fresh all the time, or, yeah. Oh, I put the body in the tomb laying down, but now it’s sitting up.

And now that’s scary. Oh, oh. Once I exercised a boy and it went badly, surprise, here he is. And he’s gonna lead me out to the graveyard where he’s gonna vomit a snake in my face and then bury me alive. Bury me alive. Uh, grave that is not fresh. Like, and, and none of this like it. It’s as though he’s been buried there for years.

Yeah. And that’s just comp they, well, she even says that No, nobody bats an eye. She, and then like, I’m supposed to believe that TASA Fara dug that guy’s grave up. No, I don’t believe that. She didn’t even have any shoes on. How 

Todd: is she gonna like finish the shovel in? I love, I love how the priest inside the coffin, once his flashlight runs out, gets the bright idea to.

A lighter that he had on hand so that he can see the inside of his coffin. I’m thinking, and, and suck 

Craig: up all of his oxygen. 

Todd: Yeah. If you’re buried alive, it’s a last thing you guys should do. By the way, don’t take any tips from this movie and what are you looking for? You’re 

Craig: in a box. Like he, he just, he just lights it up so that he can look down at his feet so that the nun can scare you at his.

Feet, which we knew 

was 

Todd: coming. 

Andres: Yeah, that is obvious. It was obvious that is going to happen. There will be like some hands coming out of somewhere and we knew that It will. It will happen 

Todd: for sure. Why is the radio working in their place? What’s it plugged into? Because there’s no electricity anywhere else in this place.

At least not the of, because they’re walking around with Wait the whole time. Why? Why 

Andres: did he say radio there? 

Todd: Exactly. That’s another 

Craig: question. And it only plays one song. Like is there some significance to that song? No, it’s 

Todd: know, don’t, it’s The minute I saw that radio on, I’m like, oh, we’re gonna get a creepy radio gag because it’s so out of place in this spot.

And again, I, the first thing I was questioning was, where’s the electricity? And why don’t they flip on some lights if they’ve got electric? 

Andres: I know, oh God, there is, there, there is many things that doesn’t make sense. Like for example, at the beginning when they come in and then there is this, like the, the old nun that we never see her face.

Mm-hmm. See, it is not there, but suddenly she’s there and there, but she’s a skeleton. 

Craig: Like, 

Andres: but she’s in a skeleton and, and she’s not even, she doesn’t care. She’s not even, she’s not even wearing like nons clothes. At all. It’s like a veil or something. I I it is like a veil, like a marriage. I don’t know.

Todd: Well, what ends up happening is they get, they get separated. So the, this, this old lady nun, like you said, she tells them come back later because the sisters are about to do their vespers and then they’ve gotta be silent for the rest of the night. So they stay next in the, they have like a building next to the Abbey that’s the guest house, and that’s where creepy things happen and they go out, investigate all the time.

He goes out and investigates, gets buried alive. She then feels compelled for some reason to also go out and investigate where she hears this tiny bell ringing, which, you know, again, it is one of those deals. As soon as I saw them talk about this little. Oh yeah. These are bells that, you know, used to be connected to Graves during the Great Plague.

So if you ended up getting Buried Alive, you could pull on this string and ring the bell and people would know they need to dig you up. I’m like, okay, well clearly either someone’s gonna get buried alive or those bells are gonna start ringing. Right? Yeah, I’m both, both 

Andres: happening. 

Todd: Both happen. Yeah, you can see it from a mile away.

So that, that all that happens. They come back the next morning and when they approach the abbey, the gate opens. And for some reason, the priest whose job is, as he has stated repeatedly to talk to the nuns, he has asked for access to the girls, decides that he can’t go in. Or isn’t gonna go in, he just sends, um, sister Irene in.

Craig: Oh, and take this key and see if you can figure out what it does. It’s so frustrating and it’s, it’s all in service to nothing. Like they’re not there to do anything in particular. They’re not looking for anything in particular. The only reason they’re there. Is to find out about this death and I guess talk to the nuns.

And then he just hangs back for no 

Todd: reason, totally content to just do his research. 

Craig: It’s right. And then he does book, book research. So we get the exposition. The exposition. Oh, it’s a demonn. It’s uh, like the, the, the patron of snakes or something. Ugh. Everything is so stupid because it’s not like they’re not, there’s no, there’s not a mystery.

They’re not trying to solve a mystery. It’s just that there is an evil demonn there that’s messing with them. Like the whole thing with him exercising the boy and it going bad, and then the boy coming back to haunt him, it doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Nothing. Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.

It’s just this demonn like messing with them and scaring them. And I felt like that all could have happened in 30 minutes. Like this should have been a 30 minute movie because the plot is so convoluted. I think that’s why it made me so angry. Like I felt like it was insulting my intelligence. Like there, there’s nothing going on here and I, I, I imagine that there’s probably an audience for this.

Like, okay, so you’re 17 years old and you want to take a date to a movie around Halloween time and Okay, great. There, it’s, it’s atmospheric. There’s lots of jump scares. You can like, you know, pretend to be scared and snuggle or whatever. That’s fine. But sitting and watching it as a film, no sir. No, this is, this movie is garbage.

I hate 

Todd: it. Craig has very strong feelings about this baby. I do. 

Craig: I was mad about it. I watched it in two separate, like I watched the first half of it, like exactly like, I stopped it at 45 minutes and then I picked it up and watched and, and I was watching the timestamp more closely than I was watching the movie.

Cause like every, I would scroll down and like, you know, see how much was left and I was like, oh my God. Only three minutes has gone by. Like, ugh. It felt it was, it’s only an hour and a half movie. It feels like it’s 14 

Todd: hours 

Andres: long. The movie was all over the place with all the, the, like the jump scares, so that they were very predictable.

Everything was very predictable. Anyways. But I guess what I, what I found about this movie interesting is like I mentioned it before, that it has like this adventure feeling. Mm-hmm. Like Indiana Jones, like a crappy Indiana Jones movie feeling, if you like. Fair. And, and I, I, I watch it during the night and I was hoping, remember what, how I studied that.

For me, the. It’s one of those very scary characters. Well, it wasn’t in this movie, I gotta say. Mm-hmm. I was, I mean, in the conjuring too, I was really scared. Yeah. And, and then when, whenever there was the reference in anywhere in the, in the Conj, in universe, I, I was very scared, but I was expecting much more.

I was expecting, because of course it comes with this story behind that, this fear. That I have for this character. And then I, I watch the movie that is supposed to develop this character to the maximum, but at the end it was just like so obvious. It, it’s, it almost feels like she doesn’t even do anything.

Like she just is scaring you around. But, but that’s really 

Todd: creeping. That’s, that’s the problem. Like, she’s so overused, right? It, it’s either her or it’s another nun. Scary nu or whatever. Scary 

Craig: nun. Well, that’s, that’s the thing. Like what is, what is Val’s endgame? I don’t get it. I, is it just to possess somebody?

Because if it’s just a. To possess somebody, just do it, like quit leading them around on these stupid goose chases throughout the castle. And, and then like, I, I still like, okay, fine. So these nuns that they’re, are, there are like the ghosts of the nuns because then at the end, I guess they find their bodies because they bury like 10 of them.

But what’s 

Todd: the deal there? I don’t 

Craig: get, oh yeah. I don’t understand that. And I don’t understand the part where like all of a sudden it becomes Silent Hill and all of the nuns are in white and they’ve got these gazi bloody things over their 

Andres: face. Okay, I get it. So, you know, now that you mentioned that, so who is actually bringing the, the, the nuns to life is maybe.

Bak himself. He’s the one that is bringing all these, all these, uh, manifestations of fear into, into the, into the characters, I guess, or they’re really the ghost. I mean, because they are, sometimes they, you feel like they’re helping and sometimes definitely they’re not helping. Yeah. So, so who is behind the, and if he’s bak.

Why he will do that so they know how to kill him. Mm-hmm. You know, like they Exactly revealing all the details about him. So I, I don’t understand that. I 

Craig: saw on Wikipedia that like some nuns reviewed the movie and, uh, one of the nuns said that, you know, it, it gets it right that there is a God and that there are evil forces.

But one of the things that it said that it got wrong is, That Demonn couldn’t even appear there. So long as the perpetual adoration is going on, like I I, I guess in, in Catholic dogma, that just wouldn’t even be possible. But supposedly these nuns are dead, so the demonn is continuing having them do the perpetual adoration.

That doesn’t make any sense because the, the prayer that they’re reciting, it’s the Hail Mary. They’re just, they’re doing it. Latin, I don’t know what the real rules for demons are, but you know, historically, according to Christian, Dogma, like, uh, evil spirits or evil, even evil people who are aligned with evil spirits aren’t supposed to be able to pray.

Like stoppage of prayer is one of the main signs of evil involvement. So it’s, it just doesn’t make any sense. The whole thing doesn’t make any sense. How 

Andres: big did, did they know the name of the, of the Demonn? Because it’s supposed that the demons, they hate their names and that’s why, why in the Conjuring, which one was it?

Like the two, I guess? Yeah. Yeah. Like Lorraine actually managed to save her to say herself and her husband by calling him by the name. Right. How these guys, I can’t remember how, how they actually knew the name of the. Was actually, 

Craig: it was in the book. It was in the book was in, it was in the book that very specifically outlined everything about 

Andres: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That’s true. That’s true. That’s true. Yeah. I re 

Todd: which was in the stack of books that they revealed by digging him up out of that grave. So whose grave was that? Oh, I guess it was that guy’s grave. Why did Valek or whoever led him into that grave put him in the grave that would put them on the path to figuring out who he was and how they could sell There you.

Exactly. I don’t understand that. I also don’t get some of these like signs. Like Father, during one of the intense scenes, he’s walking around and he looks down at the crossword puzzle that he’s been doing again earlier. He’s doing a crossword puzzle, which is a weird thing to just kind of call out in a movie.

So I’m like, well, he’s gonna see something in the crossword puzzle later. Oh my God, it’s so stupid and sure. He sees the word deliveries on his crossword. He looks up at the door in front of him and it says deliveries on it. Oh, I better go through that. Like who was guiding him through that door. And then he ends up in the ice house and some corpse breaks out of the ice that looks like the corpse of that woman that they previously buried.

So why is she in the ice now? Or maybe it’s a new corpse that they’re just recent to discover. And then that’s when Frenchy busts. And he saves him by chopping off the head of the corpse and it falls. What are the rules for. Ghosts or demons or whatever, how can you fight them? And they seem supernatural.

They just appear and disappear. But a shotgun blast or chopping off their head stops them dead in their tracks. 

Craig: No. And they’re, they’re like, whatever is doing this is so powerful that it can manifest a whole room full of nuns. But it can’t take out a couple of people like, right. It, it, it, ugh. And, and there’s, I remember there’s one scene where Tasa Vaga is kneeling.

Like she’s praying and she’s kneeling in front of, I don’t know, a big cross. And there’s, there’s a, a whole circle of nuns all around her. And then like there, there’s some sort of like, I don’t know, explosive force that blows all the nuns away from her. And they’re like, Their backs are breaking against pillars and stuff and, um, TASA PGA’s habit gets ripped off so it exposes her back and it carves a, a pentagram in her back and, well that looked cool, but what, like, it doesn’t, doesn’t 

Todd: mean anything.

Then it, and then it doesn’t mean anything anymore. It was just 

Craig: something that happened. Let’s, 

Andres: let’s not forget that these nuns are supposed to be ghost so they know how the hell they are breaking on the, I 

Todd: dunno. I don’t know, but here’s the ultimate question I have. Okay? So by this point in the movie, all this shit has gone down and somehow they’ve pieced together that they need to find the relic so that they can seal the nun back up, right?

And Mary decides she knows where the relic is. She thinks it’s behind that door that literally says there is no God behind. Behind here. You’re right. The same area that they seal off where the evil is that they’re not supposed to go into. So why the is the relic being kept down there? I don’t know.

Shouldn’t they be keeping the relic upstairs away from the evil place so you don’t have to go through the evil place to get it just in case you need it again? And if you 

Craig: had the blood of Christ, would you keep it in a light bulb like it’s in, it’s in the thinnest glass, the thinnest, most transparent glass you can possibly imagine, and it’s lasted for centuries.

And then you can take a bite out of it like it’s an apple, and suck the fresh blood out of it underwater under water and spit it in the face of the demonn. And that’s how you kill the demonn, apparently. And then the demonn gets flushed down the toilet. And then, then the nun tasa is in a pool of water that is literally maybe three foot feet deep, and you see this shot of Frenchy swimming down to her like she has sunk with the Titanic, and he is going, and then he grabs her and just stands up, like it’s literally like two 

Todd: or three feet of.

My hero, thank God. 

Craig: That shot of him swimming down. I’m like, where are we? I mean, I know, I, I realize that we’re in the toilet because five feet away, the demonn is getting sucked down the toilet. 

Todd: Oh, God. Well, it’s just a whole bunch of big, beautiful, gorgeous set pieces. Oh, it looks. Really inventive angles and things like that, and, you know, that’s really all it is, right?

It’s, they’ve just, everything else, kind of, the story itself, the logic kind of falls 

Craig: apart and that’s what it was criticized for. Yeah. I mean, if, if you look, if you, yeah, no, 

Andres: like, like it was criticized precisely for, for that. Because there is no continuity. There is no connections. Everything is all over the place is predictable, so.

Yeah, but even like that is the most, then, the most successful one in terms of numbers, so, yep. Fair, fair, fair enough. I just hope that the, the, the new one that they’re going to make in, in, in the future at least gets a little bit better than this because, I don’t know. 

Craig: No, me too. And I, I agree with you. I agree with you that the character, that that something good could be done with the character cuz it is a scary character.

Those were, those are the moments that I remember from the Conjuring too. Was that painting. Yeah, the painting of the nun. That was scary. And then it, it. Later in the movie appearing outside of the painting, that was really scary and ominous and it just doesn’t translate. I, I feel like maybe we see too much of the nun in this movie, and it doesn’t, she doesn’t really do a whole lot except she doesn’t do anything.

Yeah. So, yeah, I get it. I, I agree with you. I hope, uh, that they can do something better with the. 

Andres: I, I still cannot, cannot, uh, forget how when the priest goes into the batan, he enters into this chamber where all these cardinals are there looking and they look like a, like a mob, like, like a gangsters, like a mafia, guys.

And then you gotta do that. Don’t ask questions. We are not going to tell you anything. You just go there, pick up that girl, and then just go and investigate. And they have like the most evil faces ever in the world. I d. That was just something that I thought that it was a little bit funny for me. Yeah.

It’s 

Todd: always these kind of movies. Also, like you said, the Indiana Jones ish type movies too, that always portray the officials of the church in a very, very bad light, 

Craig: don’t they? Yeah, they do. They do. I don’t know how fair that is. The church is pretty shady or has been historically, but Fair enough. Yeah.

Portrayal, uh, in these types of movies. Very positive. You, ah, man. I Andres, I, I’m, I’m sorry. You know, I, I, I know you picked the movie. I, I’m sorry I craft all over it, but, uh, but, but thank you because. Sometimes these movies that we don’t like end up being some of our favorite episodes. So it was fun to rant about.

Andres: It was, it was a good rant. It was a good rant. I gotta say, um, I, I, I still, I still believe that the, the character itself is really scary and that’s precisely the reason that I chose the, the, the, this particular movie, the Nun is a, is a very scary character in my opinion. The non movie is a very nons, scary movie.

At least. I mean, you spec, you spec. I, I was really ready for being scary. I know that there will be the scare jumps and so on, but it, it was just like this story was so all over the place and, and so, so many illogical things here and there. That it wasn’t as scary anymore. And for that reason it really disappointed me.

But I still do like the character. I think I’m telling you like there is so much to do with this, this character, this non 

Craig: character. No, I’m with you. Yeah, I’m with you. I agree. 

Todd: I totally, I wouldn’t want a glowing poster of it in my room, I’ll tell you that right now. Absolutely not. Yeah. No way. Well, how often are we all on the same page with something very, very nice.

Unanimous right here on Two Guys and a Chainsaw. Yep. Thank you so much Andres for joining us today. It was a pleasure chatting with you. It’s a pleasure talking about this film. Thank you all for listening as well. And if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with a friend. You know, as always, as I always say, you can find us just by googling Two Guys and the Chainsaw podcast.

If you want to hear more about us talking about something we all unanimously loved, you can, uh, become a patron and listen to our two part series that we just recorded with Andres about The Last Of Us series and The Last Of Us video games. Until next time, I’m Todd…

Craig: I’m Craig…

Andres: …and I’m Andres…

Todd: … with Two Guys, Andres, and a Chainsaw.