The Supernaturals (1986)

Episode 313, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: And welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: This would be the time Craig, where we, uh, say goodbye to another prominent and very influential actor, Nichelle Nichols, who had the very groundbreaking role of playing Uhura on the original Star Trek series, uh, black woman, who at the time, there are hardly any black women on TV.

Um, let alone black women who kissed a white man, and that happened on Star Trek. So, uh, she was, uh, very. Groundbreaking in her role on that series. And she died recently. We are honoring her today by picking a horror movie that she’s been in. And she’s been in a couple horror movies, two or three, a few of ’em I think later in life.

But this one that we picked, we felt probably had the most prominent role mm-hmm . Uh, and, uh, the movie that we’re doing is from 1986, it’s called The Supernaturals. And I, you know, I, I mean, I hadn’t heard of this movie before. But then when I looked at the cover art from the VHS, uh, thing, I was like, oh yeah.

I mean, I’ve definitely seen this on the shelves, in the horror section. I just never rented it. This movie was released. I guess, I guess it was released in theaters. I didn’t get a lot of information about this film when I was looking online for it. It then was subsequently released on VHS and there it stayed.

There’s not been like a cleaned up DVD version or anything like that. And so sadly, like the version that we watched was. The quality was quite poor, even though we were on Amazon prime and renting it from there. Yeah. It was really dark and murky and it looked like a transfer from VHS. Yeah. To the point where you could see, you know, the role of the line a couple of times down.

I mean, I forgot almost what that was like, you know, when you’re watching a VHS tape and, and there’s like a line that rolls down the screen. You know, it’s just so analog and we’re so digital now. So, so we’re, we’re doing the supernaturals, which was once again, 1986, uh, movie that she did, that she plays.

Sergeant, I guess a Sergeant. Yeah. And there, there were a couple other horror films she’d been in. Uh, I think there was one anthology and then she was in like one story in it. But I think we more or less felt that probably the meatiest horror movie role that she did was probably in this film. So this is the one we’re doing, but I, I had never rented.

I’d never seen it before this. How about you? 

Craig: No, I hadn’t. I, I can’t say that I’m terribly surprised that this kind of falls in the forgotten category because it’s, it’s just okay. Frankly. 

Todd: I feel like you’re being generous when you say that. Honestly. 

Craig: No, I mean, it is. It’s it’s okay. The acting is fine and we’ll get into all that, that, you know, whatever.

But when Michelle Nichols passed, I I’ll be a hundred percent honest. I’m not a Trek. You know, I I’ve never really gotten into Star Trek. I mean, it’s, it’s such a cultural phenomenon that, of course I’m very much aware of it. And I’m very much aware of the people who are associated with it and who have been a part of it, but it it’s just not anything that I ever got into you.

this will tell you how much of a Trekky I am. The only Star Trek movie that I’ve really seen is the one with the whales, which is the one that everybody hates. Oh God. like, it’s like, it’s the, it’s the bastard stepchild. and it’s, and that’s the only one that I’ve seen. And I liked it. well, 

Todd: I’m not a tricky either.

I mean, I like sci-fi. I love it. I mean, I like sci-fi I like fantasy. I like horror. I grew up reading this stuff more than I watched it, honestly. Even when it comes to star Trek, I think all my friends and my cousins and everybody, I think they were way more into it than I was like, I loved it. Don’t get me wrong, but like, I didn’t have the toys and I wasn’t watching it on repeat and I wasn’t kind of obsessed about it.

And star wars was more exciting to me than Star Trek. Yeah. Then later in. I started watching star Trek and I realized why people love it so much. It’s heady. It’s a thinking person’s series. It’s not action and swashbuckling. It has those elements, but really it’s about it’s sci-fi as I read it, you know, it’s Isaac Asof it’s Ray Bradbury.

It’s like very intellectual. Serious thoughts about the future and, and, and the possibilities for humanity. And what would things be like? And within the context of science fiction, you can toy around with those, like self-reflexive ideas about, you know, what is the nature of us and why do we do the things we do?

And why do we say the things we say? And, you know, and all that, like that series in the sixties was incredibly groundbreaking and right. I just have to say like the appeal to it for me. You have a society that I kind of want our society to be like where nobody has to worry about work anymore.

Everything’s kind of taken care of. So now humanity has the luxury and the technology to just be able to explore and be able to see what else is out there and confront it. And then in the series, they confront races that are. What you might say further behind in civilization than we are for far ahead in civilization that we are.

But with this notion that, you know, they’re not gonna try to influence what they find and. Really impossible. Right? you by, by showing up and by being there, you’re gonna influence it, but they do their best. And I, I, I mean, I, I find myself coming more and more to Star Trek. I’ve been watching like next generation.

I’ve been watching some of this stuff and, uh, this is places where in a way that don’t get me wrong, literature has been there. A long time exploring this idea and stuff. But as far as mainstream mass pop culture kind of stuff, people are watching on television. It was very much a groundbreaking show, introducing people to ideas and concepts, and just ways of thinking that were very different from what was on television at the time, which is sitcoms mostly and things like that.

And then. Like Gene Roddenberry. I don’t think you could say enough nice things about what he did through that series. He very much insisted that this has to. a multicultural cast because this is what the future would look like, which, you know, if you watch any movie, any movies of the future from the fifties, the sixties and things, it looks surprising.

You know, it looks very white mm-hmm but this movie was definitely not. You have George Takei, you know, there’s an Asian American on there that you’ve got Uhura. One of the very first prominent roles for black women on there, all same thing with the Asian American, with, with George Takei. What a great series.

And I think that you can’t really say enough how groundbreaking it was for these people to give these, not just to give these people opportunities, but to, to show the rest of at least American society and culture at that time, like, This is what the future probably will look like and what it could look like.

It’s gonna have these people in it. And, uh, and we’re gonna confront that head on despite what the sensors say, and despite what the executives say, people want or whatever, and we’re gonna go full force with it. And they did it. And it, I think it had an indelible impact and Michelle Nichols was right there in the middle of it.

And she’s a great actress. Right. Uh, so it’s all that, not to diminish her as a person and you know, and her and her abilities and her skills. Right. She’s really good in that role. Right. 

Craig: She’s very talented. That’s the point? The, despite the fact that I’m, I have not personally been. A fan and, and I don’t even wanna say that cause I’m, I’m a, I’m a fan of the premise and the idea and, and everything that it represents.

I just am not. Cultured in you just never 

Todd: really. Yeah. It’s, there’s a lot of stuff to watch I’ve not gotten into, into, and yeah, you’re just not into that. I get it. 

Craig: I totally get it. Right. But the point is when Ms. Nichols passed away, despite the fact that I personally haven’t seen a lot of these movies and, and the original series, I felt like we needed to do this because.

She is such a prominent and influential force in our culture. Now it had it not been her. It may have been. Someone else, you know, she, she had a personal relationship with gene Roddenberry, um, the creator of star Trek, according to her, they were romantically involved for a number of years before star Trek, um, and remained very, very close.

Um, throughout, when he passed away, she performed a song at his funeral that she had written in his honor, you know, they had a. Solid relationship, but regardless she did, you know, she was groundbreaking. Like you said, you know, she wasn’t the first black woman on television. She wasn’t the first black woman in film, but she was among the very first black women who were given roles other than the maid or.

The mammy or, you know, whatever exactly. You know, she was, uh, a, a prominent character. She was an equal, uh, amongst them. Yeah. And I think that that’s, I think that that’s what Roddenberry was trying to do. And I think that it makes a lot of logical sense, but in the 1960s, It just, wasn’t done, especially when you’re talking about, uh, a series that would go on to, you know, spawn a bazillion other series and, and films that that’s intergalactic in scope, you know, you’re dealing with.

Not only human beings of different colors and, and races and creeds, but you know, all, all different types of alien races and whatnot. Um, it, it would only make sense that those divisions between races would. Blur and, and, and potentially disappear when everything becomes that diverse mm-hmm and, and like you said, yeah, she’s, she’s best known for this role, but she was a, an accomplished singer and dancer and actress before this, she be, you know, was accomplished after this.

She continued working. Um, she just did so many cool things. You know, she performed on stage. She recorded albums. She worked for ING NASA. Yeah. Like she worked for NASA for many years. Recruiting, diverse people for, for their astronaut programs. Just such a cool lady. And, um, I know that later in her life, in the last.

I don’t know, five, 10 years or so. Um, at some point she suffered a small stroke. She struggled with dementia. She retired from doing conventions and things because her mental clarity suffered, but, um, just such a, such a cool lady. And we do this a lot. We do these, um, tribute episodes a lot, but I just really felt.

God, if anybody deserves it, it’s her. And, and I think that she really had a cultural impact that probably most, well, maybe not most, probably a lot of people don’t even realize and maybe never will realize. Um, but I just have so much admiration and respect for her. And this movie, the supernaturals is, you know, it’s fine.

It’s eighties. And it’s not great, but even in this she’s good. yeah. I mean, she’s, she, her, her character doesn’t have a whole lot to do, but she’s solid. She plays like the hardass Sergeant. Um, and I believe her. Yeah. She carries herself, Ugh, with such strength and gravitas and, uh, You know, she’s, she’s really a highlight of this film there.

There’s not a whole lot to talk about. No, really as far as the movie is concerned, but, but damn she’s good in it. Yeah. In, in the relatively small role that she 

Todd: plays. Well, I mean, I’m just gonna throw my opinion on the. I thought it was kind of a cheap throwaway made for TV movie. It sure feels like it.

Like the soundtrack feels like it. I wish I had seen this film in the way it was originally intended. I mean, it was obviously shot on film. It was probably shot with care, the VHS transfer and. subsequent digitization that I saw just made it, it look bad and you couldn’t even tell what was happening half the time, because it’s kind of dark and murky.

And so, you know, this might be one of those films that might really benefit from a cleanup and a digital rerelease that’s proper. And I might look a little more highly on it, but it’s kind of all over the place plot wise. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s got about five or six different like scratch head scratching, like loose ends.

It’s kind of boring. It’s really halfway through the movie, almost exactly the halfway through the movie, mark that anything happens and what, by anything happens, like, I mean, anything at all. Interesting happens. yeah. And, and then when things kind of start happening, it just. It’s just all over the place and you’re just kind of scratching your head at what’s going on and then it’s over.

She wasn’t given a huge role, but nobody has a huge role in this. No, you know, I was actually surprised when the, when it’s fired up and I saw this face on there. I was like, please tell me, that’s definitely the guy who was in Greece too. Right. Cuz if not my memory oh yeah. Form serves me and yeah, I looked it up.

Yeah. It’s the news from Greece too. You know, the really hot, handsome looking dude from Greece two who I thought. I, I can’t believe has not gone on to be the next James Dean, just based on who looks alone. Oh, well 

Craig: Maxwell, Cofield Maxwell. CA Maxwell. Cofield is a cautionary tale. Oh, is he? Yeah, he was like he said in interviews that, um, he was.

Hollywood’s new golden boy. Like they were telling him they were telling him that he was the next Richard gear. Like he was just set to, you know, be this huge rising star, very talented history in theater, um, musical theater. He could sing, he could dance. He could act he’s gorgeous. And he just had this incredible career ahead of him.

And then grease two happened, oh, after grease two, nobody would touch him. You’re hitting, you know, that nobody would touch him. And, uh, he really feels. At this point, he’s kind of over it, but like, he was really bitter about it for a really long time because he, he couldn’t get work. Um, except in stuff like the supernaturals, maybe I don’t, I don’t know if this came before or after grease to, but yeah, like, and now he looks back on it and he says, you know, I, I, I have to be grateful for being a part of.

A cult phenomenon, because I think grease two is stupid. I, I never liked it. I never, I never saw the appeal of it, but I know there are a lot of people who really like it. There are some people who like it better than the original, well, um, as 

Todd: kids, we watch it all the time. So we liked it, but we were it.

Yeah. 

Craig: Nowadays, no. His other big role was in, um, empire records with, uh, live Tyler and Renee Zellweger. Mm-hmm I, I think in, in the late nineties and, and he played kind of an iconic role in that he, he played, he played like, uh, an aging pop star. His name was Rex Manning. They were celebrating Rex’s Manning day at the record store like that, that role and, and that movie have also kind of given him cult status and he embraces that.

But, um, he’s still a little bit bitter, but you know, the, the he’s he’s 

Todd: still working. Oh yeah. Like every year, all year. I mean, ever since this, this was, uh, his. um, he, well, this came after Greece two for sure. A Greece two was in 82. This was in 86. He did a few things. Electric dreams was this like classic eighties movie.

Did you ever see that? No. Oh my God. It’s about a cello player and, and a and a computer and it’s, there’s almost no more eighties movie than electric dreams. Honestly, he had a small role on dynasty for a few episodes. Like. And then he was doing the supernaturals and stuff like this. He was in wax work too lost in time, which I’m sure we’ll do at some point, cuz we did the original.

I have actually fonder memories of the sequel. So since the mid eighties, early eighties, a steadily, he’s had three or four to five roles every year, so, uh, 

Craig: yeah. And still working. Yeah. Um, oh yeah, for sure. I, I think, I think that I’ve seen some of the stuff that he’s been in recently, and I think that I just didn’t recognize him because of course now he’s older and he.

Yeah, but’s different. 

Todd: You know what he looks like now he looks like, kind of like a Roger Moore, like James Bond arrow, Roger Moore. He’s still, he’s still yeah, 

Craig: kind of, yeah. He’s a handsome man and, and he’s not a bad actor and he’s fine in this. And you know, I, I think that, uh, he’s, he’s. Basically cast for his looks like he’s the very handsome one.

Like , that’s kind of his role. right. He’s a private, so, uh, Michelle Nichols plays Sergeant Leon Hawkins and she’s leading this, I don’t know what you call him. You’re the military kid. What would you call this? What are they like a unit unit 

Todd: troop group, whatever you want to call it. Yeah. Of, of, of people.

They’re just, it doesn’t make private sense. None of this makes sense from a military standpoint though, let’s just, let’s just get that out there. sure. 

Craig: Fair enough. But it’s supposed to be like a training exercise where they get dropped off in the woods for three days and they’re gonna be training or something.

I don’t know, whatever Sergeant Hawkins and Michelle nickels is in charge. And then it’s just a whole, you know, group. I don’t even know how many of them, there are too many to keep track of eight or something. And another one of them is private. LA June, who’s played by Talia Balsam, who I am not personally familiar with, but she like look at her IMDB page.

She is working all the time. like she is, she is, uh, she’s. Everywhere. And, and she’s, you know, currently working on some series right now, I 

Todd: think she’s a madman. Uh, she was mom Sterling and mad men, which is a big role . 

Craig: Yeah. And then, uh, private Michael Osgood is played by LeVar 

Todd: Burton. Right. 

Craig: Who, you know, who, who for forever in my heart will be the reading rainbow guy.

Right. But, um, but, uh, you know, he did a, a, a big stent. Star Trek also. He was the guy that wore those funny sunglasses things. Yeah. Jordy 

Todd: yeah, he, the, the blind guy on star Trek. Yeah. Jordy, uh, can’t remember his last name, but yeah, Jordy. Yeah. On star Trek, star Trek to the next generation. There 

Craig: are a couple of other, uh, familiar faces in here too, from the.

And, and a couple of people who, you know, continued to work and, and who continued to work. One of the Gibbs brothers from the BGS makes a cameo, uh, in the film he origin, he originally wrote the score for the movie, but it was rejected in favor of, of a different score. Supposedly there’s a cut of the movie out there where you can hear.

Gibbs score. Um, but that’s not I’d to hear it. What we 

Todd: saw, what we saw was lame, just a lame, very standard kind of, I thought like generic, generic score to the point where it was. So generic was almost distracting. Like. God it’s cheap in the movie so much. . Yeah. 

Craig: And, and the thing is, you know, here we are almost halfway through, we’ve barely talked about the movie at all.

It’s because there’s really not much to talk about. Okay. So the premise is it opens with a. Flashback, I guess to 1865. This is in Alabama. It’s during the civil war. This young kid is playing amongst the dead bodies of these Confederate soldiers. and he’s, he’s like. Picking pieces of their, uh, uniforms off of their bodies and putting them on like he’s like playing dress up or whatever, and a Confederate, an older Confederate soldier approaches him.

Jeremy. Now your daddy’s gone. You’ve gotta take care of your mama. You understand? Now, listen, I want you to go home. You go straight home, you take Hopkins road a long way, and you stay out of that hollow, cuz it’s been mine. We put those minds there to kill yanks and keep them out of our land. Not to kill little boys.

You understand? Yes, sir. You’ve gotta take care of yourself too. Jeremy, cuz you are special. We’ve all seen that God has smiled on you boy, but then both he and the soldier who warned him are, are captured by union soldier. And they’re forced to walk across this field, um, that they had planted mines in and the union general or whatever.

It’s like, you know, your minds have cost us lots of men and lots of time. So now you’re gonna. You know, hunt them out for us or whatever. And he forces them to walk across this minefield and he tells them if you make it all the way across, then you can just keep going and be free. Well, they walk across and all of them get blown up except for the kid.

And then when the kid walks, like once he gets all the way across and he turns around and he looks back the, uh, The union, uh, generals, like, do it again. Mm-hmm um, And, and the kid looks scared and the wind starts to blow and his hand starts to glow and then it quick cuts to the future and it quick cuts so much.

And doesn’t give us a new, like, like it gave, yeah, it gave us a title card for the past, but it didn’t give us a new title card started watching. I started watching this on YouTube. It’s available on YouTube. And at this point I’m like something must have gotten cut out. So I went and rented it on Amazon.

No, nothing got cut out. It’s just an unexplained cut to, I don’t know, I guess modern day, although it’s very clearly the eighties. And you’ve got the same unit, unit 44 or whatever, but you know, of course, hundred day, a hundred years later, I mean, uh, or more, 

Todd: I mean, let’s, let’s just talk real quick about like the silliness of all of this.

This mind feel that they’re making ’em walk across is like smaller than my backyard. Yeah. 

Craig: Walk around it. Jesus. 

Todd: But it’s got, you know, like 15 minds in it apparently like all within feet of each other, like who would do that? Right. So it’s kind of, it’s kind of silly. And the whole movie is sort of shot in the woods basically, but it just feels.

The woods down the street. I, I never felt to me anyway, like a very desolate location. And then I don’t know, I, I don’t really think that like units and unit numbers and things from the union soldier side of the civil war have. Therefore carried through to the modern army where those units still exist and have the same number.

I it’s, it’s, it’s very silly and everything that’s military. I I’m just, I’m not an expert in the military, but I was a military brat, you know, and, and some, you don’t even need to be. A military brat to kind of recognize that a lot of the things that they do in this movie are kind of dumb and silly. And if you can’t even have a modicum of care towards a slight amount of authenticity for this, it kind of degrades all of it.

It takes the whole movie into silly territory. When you’re only just like 15 

Craig: minutes in. And when we jump to the future, it’s just these two guys, like, I guess they’re supposed to be like scouting this location, or like setting up perimeter flags or something. It’s, it’s totally unclear. But then like the wind blows and the ground opens up and it’s like glowing and it like swallows them down.

and then we never really hear anything about them. Again, nothing more about these two guys. Well, I feel like later somebody stumbles upon one of their heads oh, it took 

Todd: me forever to figure out it was one of them. Yeah. I thought it was our burden there for a quick second. I did 

Craig: too, because there’s. Yeah.

There’s only two black guys in the movie, 

Todd: so yeah. You have 50, 50 chance. Yeah. 

Craig: Right. But, uh, but then it cuts away from them and it cuts back to this, you know, group of soldiers who are coming here for the training mission and they horse around and you kind of get to meet all of them. And you find out that Maxwell call field’s character, private Ellis can run fast.

Like who cares? . And then really nothing happens for the next 45 minutes. Oh my God. Like nothing. The only thing that happens is that they keep running across this middle aged white woman. in all white, just like hanging out in the woods and she makes googly eyes with, uh, Ellis, like, I don’t know, 700 times over the next 45 minutes.

And that’s really the only thing that happens. Like there’s hygienes. Like, I don’t know, one guy, one guy screws around with his gun. Just random things. Like they like Ellis finds a skull and they’re like, oh cool. Like nothing happens. 

I’m 

Todd: sorry to say this because it’s just a movie who cares. But like the military is not like this right.

One. We’re gonna go out for a training mission in the woods. You know, everything’s gonna be quite serious. And these guys are like their fraternity out there. Uhhuh, farting around, you know, playing around tossing skulls, drinking beer, joking, making out, making out. That was bizarre. Uh, you know, there’s a woman in this group and, uh, her name is, uh, Lajune Lajune.

Mm-hmm, , there’s a moment where they’re all sitting around a campfire and they’re chatting and then Lajune is out there. I mean, seriously, it’s like kind of from a Friday, the 13th movie, more than it’s from like a, you know, movie where they’re supposed to be military activity happening. They’re sitting around at campfire chatting and LA June is kind of off by herself.

And so our main character Ellis walks up to her and they have a little conversation. And throughout the course of their conversation real quickly, we realized that they’ve had a relationship before, which is weird. And then they like talk about it in this professional situation, which is also weird. And then they kiss.

What this is not, this is not military activity. I mean, you know, it is just not gonna, I don’t get me wrong. This I’m thinking happen, but it’s not gonna happen out in the open on while you’re in the middle of this drill, where then the 

Craig: sergeants comes over is like, you guys cut it out. Please be advised that you’re pulling double shift guard duty tonight.

That’s 2200 to oh 200. I should help you keep your mind on proper military conduct. I take five minutes. like, okay, sorry, mom. And I feel bad for 

Todd: her because I feel like her character, all she really could do in this movie was just to be tough and. Bark orders of people. She didn’t get much beyond 

Craig: that. No, but nobody does.

Like, it’s, it, it it’s an ensemble cast, I guess you would say. But all that means is that everybody spread really thin. So you don’t really know anybody. You don’t really care about anybody. Like, I, I never really even got it. Like. are Ellison LA June currently an item, uh, did they used to be, and maybe they’re like rekindling or something, cause he’s also not necessarily overtly flirting with the mysterious woods woman, but kind of yeah.

And, and, and right in front of LA, June. Yeah. So. Yeah. Maybe they’re not in a relationship. I, and 

Todd: I mean, there’s, I don’t know. There’s a mysterious woods woman and everybody’s just like, huh, that’s interesting. like, there’s not like, no, you’re supposed to be out in the middle of nowhere. Right. And there’s some woman in a white dress by hers.

Self who’s coming and going, like, that’s bizarre enough to at least treat it a little differently than these people treat it. Well. And 

Craig: the Sergeant asks her like, who are you? And she’s like, I’m Melanie. And she’s like, uh, do you live here? Well, yeah. Around here. Well, are there more of you? Hmm. Yeah. Maybe like, 

Todd: just, yeah, she’s that way the whole time.

And they just put up with it, like, they’ll just you’re right. Like 

Craig: she just keeps showing up in their. Like, 

Todd: like a stray dog, you know, that comes and goes. They’ll ask her questions even in, later on in the movie when scenes get intense and it’s like, look, we need answers from you because you clearly have something to do with this.

They’ll ask her questions and she’ll just not answer and that’ll be okay with them. You know? Like they don’t right. Just so maddening. It’s just so silly. And you know, when I was out and. Uh, because I was trying so hard to dig up information on this movie and I could find so little, there is a reviewer online, which is why actually this is why I rarely re read reviews.

When I’m doing this, who says the characterizations of the soldiers are also well developed. Um, the director may have well been inspired by aliens, which came out about the same time as the supernaturals. Although if anything, the characterizations of the soldiers here are superior to the ones in aliens.

What? No, please. Absolutely. That it’s the opposite. And then she, and then this person goes on to say, there is a very funny scene with a drunken Bobby Desco forcing his way into Talia Balsam’s tent. That is not 

Craig: a funny scene at all. It’s 

Todd: not funny at all it. Oh, Oh, my 

Craig: God. It’s a scene that never would be filmed today.

Like, I think that they thought they might have been funny, but it’s not. So he’s like the douchy one that’s established. Like he’s the douchy one, but, and he’s kind of hit on her before. And again, I, I know even less about the goings on, of the military than you do, but I would imagine. And I could be entirely wrong.

So those of you out there keep going, do know about things, you know, set a straight, I, I, I’m just talking straight outta my butthole, but I could imagine that women in the military face some of this misogynistic. Crap. And that it’s probably, you know, a very real part of their lives that they have to learn to deal with.

And I’m sure that they find ways to deal with it. And I’m sure that a lot of them deal with it with humor or, you know, wit or, or whatever. But he, he crawls into her tent at night, her small tent. And is like, kind of trying to sweet talker all the while, pulling his pants down, like he’s, he’s hovering over her and he’s pulling his pants down.

Yeah. Like, she’s just gonna be like, oh, well, thank goodness you’re here and have sex with him. No, it comes across as very rapey. And I guess the joke is that she kind. Sort of plays along with it until he’s mostly pantsed and then she puts her knife between his legs, you know, I, I guess right up against his Dick or his balls or, or whatever, and, you know, sends him scurrying off.

Into the night. It’s not funny. It actually made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t like it at all. 

Todd: Yeah, it’s gross. It was gross. It wasn’t funny. It was weird. I feel like even in the early to mid eighties, this wasn’t even that funny. No. And, and it’s all of this is unnecessary. We’re like halfway through the movie.

And all we’ve gotten are these hijinks with these sort of like, oh, this guy’s the douche bag. This guy’s the pretty boy. This woman is mysterious and she’s in the woods. 

Craig: And there’s like a simple one there, boy. 

Todd: And they found, they found an area. That’s a clearing where it’s. Just like yellow ground or something.

And they’re like, everything’s dead. This is bizarre. It’s dead. Oh. And, and one point court falls in a hole. It’s more like a trap. And he looks around and he finds a lantern and he finds a corpse and he sees a scarecrow, I guess they’re trying, they think they’re building some suspense or they think they’re building some intrigue, but all this stuff is just, I don’t know what to say.

Like, it’s just a hodgepodge of. Stuff that doesn’t feel particularly sinister. Another thing they find is, um, like, uh, there’s a bunch of sticks, right? That are in their way sharpened into points. Like, you know, they’re blocking the trap, like a booby trap, kind of like a booby trap, like a mysterious thing.

And one of them, I can’t remember who it is, speaks up and says, oh, this must date back to like the Confederate times, because this is like the Napoleonic wars. They used things like this to get. And I’m like, I’m like what? Even in the eighties would. Would you consider that these sticks that you found in the woods have been there since Confederate 

Craig: times?

No, they have very clearly been like freshly carved. So 

Todd: it it’s all so hokey and silly and, and we’re halfway through, and this is all that’s happened. It’s that guy, right. A court who gets, gets pushed away by, um, Lajune from his RA, his attempted rape, who then. Stumbles off into the glowing smokey woods.

Right? Uh, he doesn’t really have a motivation for 

Craig: it. I think he hears a noise or something. I don’t know, 

Todd: a dark figure comes up behind him, which we can’t see clearly. And he runs, he falls into another one of these pit traps and he now he’s in a cave with, with a wooden roof and a bunch of lanterns that are lit.

That’s when we see this, this head, I guess I thought, like I said, I, I thought it. Oz and, uh, I don’t know. He’s got something in his mouth. Like he’s been, I don’t know what he, I didn’t know what that 

Craig: was. Yeah. I, I, I have no idea what, what lured court out into the woods is that they’re glowing now. Yeah.

they’re 

Todd: glowing and smokey. 

Craig: Right. And he is like, that’s weird. so he goes out there, like you said, he, he falls in, you. The first time somebody fell in there. I don’t remember who it was like first they thought it was like a booby trap. And then they’re like, no, it’s a bunker. Well, it turns out it’s like a whole fricking tunnel system, but while he’s down there, um, a zombie comes out of the wall.

And, uh, court tries to climb out, but he’s being pursued by more than one zombie. And then it cuts to the next morning and he’s missing and they go looking for him and they find his body at first, they think he’s just passed out, but against the tree dead. And then the Sergeant like looks at all the other soldiers and she like, this is totally your fault.

Like what. 

Todd: Right. You’re supposed to be paying attention. You’re doing this, you’re doing whatever, choose them all out and then gets to work. And she asks weird to contact base on the radio said, I don’t care what it takes. You get a signal. So he’s gotta climb a tree for that. Then ask three others to go with her, to go looking for something, whatever.

Yeah. 

Craig: I don’t know what they’re looking 

Todd: for and they end up finding a cabin in, in the woods. And so they break in and there’s nothing in there for a while. 

Craig: No, except my favorite. This is my favorite part of the movie in this a hundred and something year. Cabin Ellis finds a perfectly intact journal. Yes.

Of a Confederate 

Todd: widow from 1865. 

Craig: perfectly preserved. Yeah. Like it shows him turning the pages. Like he could have bought this at borders like yesterday.

Todd: it’s so true. 

Craig: She’s writing about how her dearest Evan has gone off to war and she hasn’t heard from him in a long time. Um, and then, you know, in another entry it’s like news of Evan’s death came today, but. Thank God. I still have Jeremy. If it weren’t for him, I I’d probably just die. Well, so it it’s pretty obvious that this is the mother of the kid from the opening scene, right?

Todd: Jeremy is that kid. Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. And then they find this old, like decrepit white haired, man, just huddling in a corner. He doesn’t talk. He doesn. Do anything he’s just huddling there in the corner. And then Melanie, the woman in white shows up stop just 

Todd: suddenly 

Craig: and yeah, just out of 

Todd: nowhere, just shows up.

Won’t answer any questions. 

Craig: no, won’t answer any questions, but at this point, wasn’t it pretty fricking obvious what was happening. Yeah, of course. 

Todd: You know, what’s going on. Yeah, 

Craig: you, yeah, like, obviously, and of course this comes in a reveal later, but the old white hair dude is Jeremy. And the mysterious woman in white Melanie is his mom.

Now, at this point, we don’t really know how or why that could be. But it seemed perfectly obvious at the moment. Yeah, of course. Anyway, so they’re, 

Todd: I don’t know. Yeah. They leave there and, uh, they’re all looking at a map and trying to figure out how they’re gonna go to some other place and where they’re gonna go, the radio isn’t working and, and then suddenly like they’re under fire.

Somebody starts shooting at them and it’s 

Craig: unseen forces. Yeah. And this goes, this goes on for a while. Like they’re just getting fired on like some of them get shot and then some more of them get shot. And then 

Todd: the SED thinks he’s seeing a zombie and he shoots at him, but it turns out it’s Oz. So now, 

Craig: yeah, Oz is dead.

So he’s killed him. And then, and then S runs away into the forest. Cuz I don’t know what he’s running. I guess he’s just so distraught over having killed his friend and uh, like he sees a zombie that startles him. So he jumps back and hemps himself on, uh, one of those spikes. I, I, I have to say that oddly.

This was an oddly sad moment. Like, um, hemp entails himself on this spike and then Ellis finds him and the actor’s like Ellis. I can’t move. Why can’t I move? And he looks down and he sees the spike coming through his chest and he like starts crying before he dies. And I was like, huh? Yeah, 

Todd: he was, I mean, it was a touching moment and otherwise odd scene like that, that chase went on for.

And then it’s like, Ooh, zombie, ah, back up, and then Impalment, you know, and then when S finds him, there’s no zombie there, you know, no, it just, the, all these, these, these threats come and go all the, while they’re in this weird woods. And this woman in the white dress is just sitting there silently sort of watching all this happen right from where they are.

And then, uh, Deju, I don’t know what this whole deal was. I, I guess she finds something and it looks like. 

Craig: it’s like, it’s a Confederate bullet that, um, earlier in the movie, Ellis had found a bullet it, but it’s not like a modern bullet. Yeah. It’s a, what do you call it? It’s it’s a ball. It’s a ball like, yeah.

Yeah. And he had found it and he had given it to her and she finds one. And compares it and they’re the same. So I think that it’s supposed to be like, she figures out why are we being shot with Confederate bullets? Like, it doesn’t make any sense at that same time, Melanie who’s sitting there right next to her disappears and.

Reappears immediately in the, in the right, in the forest where she finds Ellis carrying, um, Sedgwick’s body back. And because she appears out of nowhere, he looks at her and says, it’s you you’re making this happen. Why. And then she shows him a flashback, which is basically the opening scene, but we get more information.

Mm. After the little kid had walked through and the union general had ordered him to do it again. She, Melanie, his mother arrived and, uh, she saw him and she ran across the minefield. I guess in theory, she didn’t know it was a minefield, I don’t know, to try to get to him. And she got blown up by a mine.

But he, with his glowing hands revived her, like brought her back from the dead. And so she runs him and she grabs him and she holds him. But then she stares directly into the camera ominously, like I have in my notes, like he brought her back. But is she different?

it’s so stupid now she’s evil. Yeah. And, and then she just lays it out. You know, she, she tells him that the old man in the cabin is Jeremy. She’s like, he’s my son. And. Come with me, Evan. And I’m like, what? And so she shows him a picture in her lock and it’s him, but with a mustache . Yeah. And, and she’s like, oh, our love is eternal or something.

I don’t know. And he yells at her and she runs away and then he runs and he falls, but like zombie. Like come outta the ground are coming then they chase him and he is fighting him and oh, oh my God. And I guess this is supposed to be the conclusion, like the remaining soldiers, like we is like the simple one.

I really liked him. He was really. Sweet. Oh, I have a theory. And if you haven’t seen the movie, this will probably mean nothing to you, but you’ve seen the movie. I think we are. And Chris were a couple

cause they’re always together because they’re always together and they’re always very concerned about each other’s safety. They think they’re cute. Could be they’re a cute little couple could be. But then trouble. Then we gets grabbed by a zombie, but Chris saves him. And, but then they both get, they both end up getting killed anyway.

And Ellis goes back to the cabin and visits old man, Jeremy and Melanie bursted. And she’s like get away from him. But Ellis turns to Jeremy. He’s like, you can end all of this, all of the pain and the suffering, you can end it. And then I thought that a zombie shot Ellis. Because that’s what it looked like.

Yeah. And it looked, it did, but I guess not, cuz he’s fine. 

Todd: So yeah, I don’t know. He just. But 

Craig: raised him or something. Yeah. he says to the old man, he says to the old man end it, send her back. And so Jeremy does the whole like glowing 

Todd: hands thing, animates her back to the land of the dead. Yes . 

Craig: Yeah. She, she like, she like glows and screams.

And disappears. Ellis looks back at old man, Jeremy and he’s dead. He’s just sitting there, like with his face to the ceiling and his eyes wide open. Oh God, that poor guy oh, just been living out there in the woods with his ghost mom for the past a hundred years. 

Todd: That’s horrible decides to end it cuz this guy yeah.

like suggests it. You can do it and end the stuff. Oh yeah. I guess you’re right. I can’t it’s like Dorothy with her Ruby red slippers. Right? You could have done all this all the time. it only took a hundred 

Craig: guess I might as well. It only took a hundred years for somebody who looks exactly like his. Dead dad to show up and tell him it’s okay.

Todd: Right. Are we supposed to think that this he’s like a descendant or something? I have no flipping 

Craig: idea. Oh, it’s so 

Todd: stupid. As, as we’re describing this movie, it sounds way more interesting than it actually plays out on screen. It’s 

Craig: not interesting. It’s boring. Don’t watch it. It’s 

Todd: boring and confusing and hard to see and weird and not, not satisfying at all.

Craig: Yeah. Don’t watch it. You know, and the funny thing is like, so I started, like I said, I started watching it on YouTube and the, the transfer was bad. Like it was obviously a transfer from a VHS. And then that was another thing that led me to rent it from Amazon. I’m like, oh, surely it will be better quality on Amazon.

Like no, the quality, same crappy club. Can’t yeah, it’s crappy. And it just made me think like, this is how we used to watch movies all the time and we thought it was fine. Mm. 

Todd: Like that’s. Yeah. Cause. Also the screens were smaller and lower resolution too. So it didn’t even look as bad on those little screens.

Right. 

Craig: we’re spoiled now. I mean that, I mean, that’s, that’s what movies looked like when we were growing up. It was terrible. Oh my God. We had it. So rough. Ugh. Yeah. Anyway, 

Todd: thank God we live this long. Thank 

Craig: God. Then then it’s morning and Ellis goes back to camp and he finds Melanie’s Locke. And he’s greeted by Lajune who like, I don’t know, embraces him or something.

And so he drops, the locket Hawkins is still alive and like wise crack. And I don’t even remember what she says, but like none of them seem particularly bothered by the fact. Everybody else is dead. I know nor do LA June or Hawkins ask for any kind of explanation of what happens like, Ugh. thank God.

That’s over. let’s get outta 

Todd: here. One of the worst training exercise 

Craig: ever, ever.

So they put Hawkins, cuz she like, I think she got shot in the leg or something. So they put her between them and they. Walk out of there. Leave. Yeah. that’s the end. And then there’s some cheesy song over the credit. God. Oh man. Oh God. Uh, I wish there had been anything really to like about this movie because you know, this happens all the time.

We do these tribute movies, these people, but it’s because, you know, Michelle Nichols is not a horror state. You know, like, no horror is what we do. It’s not necessarily what she did, this isn’t her best work. But even that said, I mean, she, she does perfectly fine with what she’s given to work with. I mean, she that’s the key.

Yeah. She plays the hardnosed Sergeant believably and well, and. and she looks good doing it to be fair. Nobody in the movie is terrible. I mean, Maxwell Cofield is beautiful and, and beautiful to look at. He’s got great hair. I’m super jealous of his hair. Well of everything he look, he, he’s just, he’s incredibly handsome.

You know, I’m, I’m happy to see lava Burton in anything. I have just such a soft spot for him in my heart, from my childhood. You know, that this is the guy that got our generation reading. I, I loved that show. I loved that show and he’s got a great voice. Yeah. And he would, he would read the books and they would show the illustrations from the books.

Man. I loved that. So, you know, it, it’s always nice to see him. And it is a movie that you said that you remembered seeing it on the shelves. I don’t, I don’t remember seeing it. I, I, I didn’t know anything about it. I feel like it’s kind of been lost to time and I, I understand why it’s not remarkable. It’s not memorable.

It it’s the type of movie. Falls by the wayside for a reason, because there’s just really nothing. There’s, there’s just not much to say about 

Todd: it. It’s just lame. I mean, it’s just a dumb movie cobbled together. The script is silly. None of it makes sense. It’s not even particularly well shot, it’s dark and things.

Hopefully that’s just a, a factor of the transfer and you got these famous people in it, you know, famous at the time, perfectly capable, but they have nothing to work with. And. You know, sadly here we are with our tribute episode, as you said, always for Michelle Nichols. And we’re talking about our horror movie, which for about 90% of the famous actors and actresses that we talk about on this, on, on this series, they’re horror movies are not usually they’re stand out.

Products for them. So, right. It’s just an excuse for us to find something, you know, that we wouldn’t otherwise find and TA and pay tribute to somebody, you know, that we care about otherwise and, and, uh, has had, and 

Craig: right. And that I legitimately respect and admire. I, I, I mean, oh yeah, this, this woman was a trailblazer that you can’t take.

That away from her Whoopi Goldberg credits Michelle Nichols with being one of the people who inspired her to be an actress who made her believe that people who looked like her could do it. You, you, you can’t underestimate this. Woman’s. Um, influence after the first season of, um, star Trek, she was just already kind of sick of the racist bullshit that she was facing from critics, um, and, and the public.

And she just was, she was ready to walk away. She was being offered other projects. She was being offered projects on stage. And she, she went to gene, rod, Jean Roddenberry. She went to gene Roddenberry and she turned in her resignation and he said, look, I really, really don’t wanna lose you, take the weekend.

And if you come back and, and you still wanna leave, I’ll let you go. No hard feelings, but I really don’t want to. And that weekend she. Participated in some sort of convention or rally for the NAACP and somebody approached her and said, a fan would like to, to speak with you. And she said, that’s fine. And that fan was Dr.

Martin Luther king, Jr. He came and just. Gushed about what a huge fan he was. He said that, um, that star Trek was the only show that he allowed his children to stay up at night to watch. And when she told him that she was planning on leaving, he said, you can’t, you cannot, you are representation. You know, you’re the, you’re the only person of color in a role like this.

You’re the only woman in a role like this. You’re the only person that young. Black people that young women can look up to on television, you know, in, in this huge forum, um, you’ve gotta stay. And so she went back to Jean Roddenberry after the weekend and said, I’ll stay. And apparently he pulled out her resignation letter, which he had already torn up and, and the rest is history.

She stayed for the remainder of that season. She went on to do. I don’t know, I think six of the movies or something like that, she’s a legend and deservedly, so, and this movie sucks, but she’s amazing. , I’m thrilled to be able to, uh, to, to, to show her our respect. 

Todd: Yes. Don’t watch this movie, watch some star Trek 

Craig: instead.

Yeah. watch the whale one. It’s good. I don’t even know if she said it. 

Todd: you’re the only one who would say that.

well, thank you so much for listening to another episode. If you enjoyed it, please share with a friend. You can find us online and we have our Facebook page. Our. Beat our website, two guys@redfornet.com and also our Patreon page patreon.com/chainsaw podcast. Go there and consider supporting our podcast.

Doesn’t take much, but you’ll get a whole bunch of goodies. Thank you so much for listening. A hundred percent. We’d love. Hearing from you. And we want to hear, uh, what you thought of this podcast and, uh, this movie, perhaps, and any other movies that you would like us to review in the future until next time I’m Todd and I’m Craig with Two Guys and a Chainsaw.