Cockneys vs Zombies

It's not exactly Shaun of the Dead, but it's not without its charms. This zom-com fulfills a long-time request by ever-patient listener, Francis.

The dead are attacking, and old and young alike must take up arms to defend themselves in merry-old England.

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Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

Episode 268, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: Well, we’ve been going through quite a few requests lately, and now it’s about time. It is about time for us to get to a request that has been sitting in our queue for ages bore Francis, uh, three or four times as very kindly tapped us on the shoulder and said, Hey.

What’d you guys mind doing? Cockneys vs Zombies. I’d sure love to hear your, your views on Cockneys versus Zombies. Hey, just to remind you co requested Cockneys versus Zombies quite nice. And so, uh, here we are finally getting around wheat. Look, don’t say that we don’t listen to your requests. Like I respond to all of you.

We’d does go on a list just because you don’t hear it and say five years doesn’t mean we might not get back to 

Craig: it. Yeah, I do feel bad. I know we, we, we really do. We put all the requests on a list. Um, but you know, we have our preferences too, so. We tend to pick the ones that we are most interested in and also the ones that are easiest to find.

There are a couple of ones that are on the request list that I’ve really wanted to do, but they’re really difficult to find they’re not streaming anywhere. Um, And neither of us are wealthy. So it’s not like where I’m willingly pouring out money. I mean that $4 could get me like a burger

Todd: we’re cheap ass bastards. This is fun. This is, this would be a good time to have a patriotic count where we could say, you know what? You could change all this. Yeah, 

Craig: stay tuned. Folks. It may not be lost 

Todd: log, 

Craig: but no. Yeah, we’re finally getting to it. Cockneys versus Zombies from 2012. 

Todd: I tell you, um, I think one of the things that may me, well, there were probably two things that made me kind of brushed us aside a little bit.

Maybe three, the first one is, is, sounded an awful lot, like Shaun of the dead. When I first like, oh, is this kind of like a cheap of the dead knockoff kind of thing? And the second thing, because I’d never heard of it before, which made me think even more like, oh, this is kind of a cheap shot of the dead knock off.

Um, and I think the reason I probably hadn’t heard of it because there are. Famous people in this movie, especially if you know, British actors. And I will say, I am not really brushed up on my British actors unless they’ve been in like famous movies or TV shows that are, you know, kind of world famous. Um, I’m not as familiar with these faces in these names, but I often see them on and I go, oh, that guy’s familiar.

Oh, that woman’s familiar. What was she in? So that was the, those two things that I hadn’t really heard of it before. And it was an awful lot like Shaun of the dead and also. This came out in 2012. So a little while ago, believe it or not like almost 10 years ago. And by now I feel a little kind of burned out.

Comedic zombie movies. I mean, Shaun of the dead came out and it was brilliant. It still is brilliant. It’s kind of cut above the rest, I think just in that, but then we’ve done Anna versus the apocalypse and we’ve done. I don’t know. I mean, it’s just, it seems like this is become kind of, um, its own sub genre, right.

There are horror comedies, but like they’re also like zombie comedies, like it’s its own thing, right? Yeah. 

Craig: But to be honest with you, I actually kind of prefer the zombie comedies to just this. Zombie movies. Um, the zombie, the, the straight zombie movies, you know, I know that there are a lot of fans of the walking dead and you know, all of Romero’s stuff and, and that’s fine.

I, I get it and I’ll watch some of them, but I honestly feel like most of the time it’s, it’s the same thing. Like, I mean, it’s the hobbies, you know, zombies chasing people around. That’s that’s fine. I actually really do appreciate the humor. Uh, I liked Anna and the apocalypse a lot. 

Todd: We really 

Craig: enjoyed that one.

And, uh, we watched cooties about, you know, the, the little kids on bees. That was hilarious. So I actually do like these zombie comedies and, and honestly, like I liked this movie. You can’t help, but draw. Comparisons to Shaun of the dead. And that really, I think is to this movie’s detriment because it’s not as good.

And it’s not as funny. It’s funny, but it’s not as funny. 

Todd: I would say it’s like Shaun of the dead is funny in very clever ways. You know, Shaun of the dead has like a very sort of sophisticated plot structure with, with things that are set up early on that have payouts later. I mean, it’s, it’s really. Just a good movie period.

It’s well plotted, but it’s just, I don’t know the level of humor, you know, even though it’s pretty darn silly, it feels a little more sophisticated. Whereas this movie look it’s funny, but it didn’t have me rolling on the floor. It didn’t have any slapping my head. There were no, like, it’s kind of typical humor.

And I think that was my big kind of issue with it’s like, oh, okay. Like really, really old people who are. Wield a gun and, and, and suddenly, you know, turn from sweet, old, frail people and a gun toting granny kind of characters. Oh, see, 

Craig: I thought that was hilarious. I think that was my favorite part. 

Todd: Honestly, probably was my favorite part, but it’s a trope, you know what I mean?

It’s. It’s a pretty typical trope. I don’t even just mean in horror movies, but I’m just meaning in any movies, this idea that an old person is crasser and more vibrant or whatever, then they first appear to be early on, you know, as supposed to get a laugh. And, and yeah, I don’t know. It just, I felt like the whole movie was kind of like this.

I kind of saw the jokes coming a mile away. I kind of wasn’t surprised at the humor. I, I. I don’t know, I just didn’t laugh out loud, too many moments during this movie, but I did chuckle, you know, I did enjoy myself. I’m overall. I enjoyed the movie. I enjoyed watching it. Um, but you know, I can’t say I was blown away by really any aspect.

Craig: I think. Yeah, but, but going back to the old people, I mean, it’s a zombie movie and you know, so it is zombies chasing people around a lot, but it’s kind of divided between two stories and there’s like not two stories, they’re interlocked, but there’s a young group of people, you know, probably in their twenties.

Are kind of the central characters, but then there’s also this older cast who lives in this like retirement community or care facility or whatever. And those older people, I just found so charming. I think I just really like it when actors. Of more advanced age art, art are given opportunities. Well, no, I mean, they’re old people, they’re out, they’re old.

These are old people. They’re playing people in a retirement community. They’re, they’re elderly people, but a lot of these actors are established actors from, from their day, you know, who they probably don’t have. The same kinds of opportunities, not that the bay or anybody else might think that Cockneys versus zombies is some kind of amazing opportunity.

Like finally, finally, the role of a lifetime, 

Todd: my second coming my career. 

Craig: But it’s fun. It’s fun to see these folks, you know, gets a play and they do get to play and it’s funny and they get to fight zombies. And, and like you said, uh, you know, I recognize some of these actors, uh, even some of the older ones I recognize.

They’re not anybody whose name I would know, um, or who I could specifically identify. I just, oh yeah, that guy. Um, but. The one of the ones that stood out to me in the old people group was this old lady named Peggy. Who’s like kind of the girlfriend of the main old guy. And she’s paid, played by honor Blackman.

And I, I, I just, in my mind, I was thinking, I bet you money that this woman. I had a career as a young woman. And so I saw, I looked her up and she was pussy galore,

easy, right? The best bond girls name in the whole history of James Bond, but Siegel or isn’t this movie and she’s a little old frail lady. Cake SAS. 

Todd: And you know, I mean, she still looks good too. I mean, 

Craig: she’s beautiful. 

Todd: When I saw her, I knew, I knew just like you did, I’m like this as a classic actress who was just like stunningly gorgeous in her day.

And, uh, and yeah, she was pussy galore. She was Hara and Jason and the Argonauts. She played in the Avengers TV series as Catherine, Gail. I mean, this woman has an insane right. And so doctor who a lot of these people were in doctor who apparently to which British actor hasn’t appeared in doctor who it’s one point or another, and she died last year 

Craig: by, oh, I didn’t know that.

Well, she was an old broad, she had a good life, I think. I would say, so the only, the only other actor that I specifically recognize was one of the younger actors who plays Andy, who is one of these, uh, two brothers there’s Terry and Andy, his name is Harry Treadaway eat away. Treadaway and I recognized him and I looked him up.

And what I recognized him from was a movie. Honeymoon, which I was almost positive that you and I had done on the podcast and I looked for it and couldn’t find it. And I couldn’t believe we hadn’t done it. Um, I don’t even know this one. Oh, it’s a good, good movie. It’s a, it’s a horror. Saifai thriller that focuses just basically on the, these two people, this young husband and wife or newly married and they’re on their honeymoon.

And, uh, she. Mysteriously kind of goes missing in the night and he finds her and she’s all dirty. And uh, then like she’s different, but why?

Todd: That sounds interesting. It’s 

Craig: really good. If you haven’t seen it out there, folks check it out. Honeymoon. I don’t remember when it came out last five years. It’s all. 

Todd: I think I recognize them. I don’t know if you ever saw the TV series pen. But, uh, I started watching that a while back and he’s a Victor Frankenstein in that and quite good actually in it.

Quite good, very intense, uh, dark take on Victor Frankenstein. It’s really impressive. Yeah. So yeah, I, I recognize him from that. He’s 

Craig: handsome. He is pretty blue eyes look good looking, man. They play. You know, very working class, lower working class folks. So he’s kind of rough looking in this movie, but good looking guy.

And that’s another thing that the characters are likable. The, the way that the movie opens up is is we get a, a picture of a poster outside of this new development and, and Hartman construction is. Building luxurious living in the heart of east London. And it shows, you know, like this. Condominium that they’re going to be building or whatever, but then it’s, you know, it just shows the construction site, which is in east London and it’s really ugly and dirty and, you know, looks awful.

It also made me very interested to learn about the history of the east end of London, because I don’t know that much about it. 

Todd: So I looked it up. It’s so funny. I would like we are, 

Craig: I haven’t Todd, as you listeners may know is a world traveler. Who’s lived all over the world, living in China now, but you’ve lived in England and God knows where else.

Um, Huge a world traveler, but I did spend a summer in London and I absolutely loved it. I think of all the cities I’ve ever traveled to London is my favorite. It’s just beautiful. And it’s an amazing amalgamation of. Modern, uh, architecture and technology, but also like you’ll just see these buildings, you know, everywhere, just that are hundreds of years old, just like this amazing historical architecture.

It’s, it’s, it’s amazing. And all of the different, you know, I stayed pretty central. I was studying theater and so we. Fairly central, but we were tasked with venturing out into some of the, uh, small. Parts of the city, because my instructor wanted us to see like just local theater, which is which thrives in London.

And so I went and saw a production of little shop of horrors in this tiny bar. Like it was just in the back room of this tiny bar. So, you know, you would go and get your pint in the bar and then you would go sit like on benches in this back room and watch. The show and it was so much fun, but anyway, so I looked up east London and historically it’s been kind of working class, lower class, poor area in recent decades.

There’s been a lot of development there. So things have changed, but you very much get that sense from this movie that this is a very working class place. And the fact that these big corporate developers are coming in. Is problematic for the people who live there. It’s, it’s displacing these people who have spent their entire lives there and wild development.

And you know, that, that in theory, that sounds great. You know, what does that mean for the people that have called this, their homes for so long? And that’s, that’s such like an underlying motif in the movie. Like it’s really not all that important, but I feel like it gives heart to the characters and gives them real motivation.

I believed them our main characters, um, Terry and Anna. Are these working class guys and their grandpa Ray lives in this retirement community. That’s going to be torn down to make way for all of this development. And that’s what motivates them basically through the, through the whole. 

Todd: I thought that was interesting.

I was getting real, like batteries not included vibes or maybe the 

Craig: that’s such a good movie too. Sometimes I wish that we didn’t, uh, limit ourselves strictly to horror because there are so many movies like that. Absolutely loved that we could never justify talking about best, seriously folks batteries not included.

Checking out, 

Todd: go see it now. I’m for sure. Oh, another wonderful movie of a lot of very old. Uh, actor’s a little past their prime, Jessica 

Craig: Tandy, one of my favorite actresses and her husband. He crowed, I can’t think of his name, uh, but just. Tons of great, great people. But anyway, in this movie we see the construction site, uh, worker uncovers like this medieval door, which is hilarious, like it’s perfect condition.

Like they just happened to dig it. 

Todd: I’m like a foot below the surface 

Craig: and it was, and there’s a sign on it that says sealed by order of king Charles, the second 16, 66. And one of these two guys were there and one of them was like, we should tell the foreman and the other guy’s like, dude, there might be like golden air into it.

Like break it down with sledge. And, uh, it’s they find what they find is a two. Yeah. Play pit more like our next step from a graveyard. Can we, I don’t care. And there are skeletons everywhere and they’re joking around, but then there’s a skeleton, like is up and walking around behind one of them and the other one’s like, dude, walk out, there’s a skeleton behind you.

And he’s like, Ooh.

And then it bites them in the throat. Kills, kills both 

Todd: guys. That’s that second kill where he bites the other guy, like basically like takes off part of his jar or something super gory. And I was like, oh, wow. So we’re really, I mean, that sets a tone. Right? How gory is your movie going to be? Yeah, and it was pretty, pretty brutally gory, so I thought, oh, okay, cool.

It’s going to be funny. And we’re going to get some serious gore. 

Craig: Yeah, it is pretty gory. I will start out with the gripe that there’s a lot of blood spray and it’s. 

Todd: That was so distracting. 

Craig: Yeah. It doesn’t look great. Like, I mean, it’s serviceable, but it looks like a video game. It doesn’t look, 

Todd: it calls attention to itself.

Really. It’s kind of that bad. I think I, I was really disappointed. I don’t. And why couldn’t they have gone with a little more practical for this? I mean, there wasn’t, it wasn’t like there were these intricately staged. I mean, I don’t know, maybe I’m trying to save on 

Craig: makeup or whatever. Well, I feel like I have no idea what their budget was, but I can’t imagine that it was that big.

And there are so many extras in this movie, like thousands of extras playing zombies, and I guess they just advertised for them on TV, around London. Come be a zombie in our movie and, and tons and tons of people showed up and people were sending in audition tapes, like presenting, pretending to be zombies.

And, uh, you can kind of tell, I mean, it’s, it’s not like, it’s not like you’re looking at seasoned. You know, like it, it looks like they just pulled people off the street and said, okay, be a zombie.

Todd: And really that’s the thing about zombie movies is that sometimes all your that’s really unique, all you really need,

Craig: and these are slow. They’re slow walkers, slow walking zombies, 

Todd: which they use to great effect later. Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. But you know, after those guys get killed, the title sequence starts up and it’s animated and it’s really fun music. And I’m like, oh, okay, this is going to be good. Yes. 

Todd: I’m glad you brought that up.

The title sequence, just like got my heart pumping, the graphics popping up and the music was great. This title music was great, whatever song that was. And the end credit song was like, just this great rock. I don’t know. 

Craig: It was just 

Todd: amazing. But then we go through what I consider to be a kind of applauding introduction.

It kind of took its time to introduce us to the characters. Like you said, these two guys who are clearly planning something, um, and that which we later find out is this bank robbery, uh, to help support his grandfather. Who’s in the, the, the retirement home. That’s. To be torn down. And so, like you said, it bounces between them sort of assembling the team.

They have a, their cousin, I guess, uh, is a woman. Her name is Katie. She’s played by a woman named Michelle Ryan. I didn’t really look her up, but she’s been in much of anything. 

Craig: I dunno, but she’s cute. And she’s a bad-ass she’s like she can pick locks and hot wire cars.

Todd: And then they pick up this other guy named Davey Toppins who they just call tuppins, which is cute. British thing. I don’t know why British, like sometimes it just all sounds so cute

tuppence and I’m going to take my dog out for walkies, you know? Aw. Um, but yeah, so, uh, he’s kind of, um, what is his specialty? I can’t. I don’t either. 

Craig: I don’t remember what his specialty is because the only thing that they show about him is that like he robs places, but he always gets caught. Like, why do you want that guy?

Todd: Exactly. But he’s just different. Then they pick up this absolutely bat shit, insane guy named mental Mickey. And he is crazy. But also he’s the guy you want on your team. If a you’re going to be robbing them. Or be you’re going to be up against zombies. 

Craig: Yeah. I mean, he clearly is crazy. Like. There’s no reigning him in, but he’s also the weapons guy.

Like even though they don’t, they don’t want to hurt anybody. In fact, they don’t even want to fire the guns at all. They just feel like they need them for intimidation purposes, which you know okay. That makes sense. But when you got a guy like mental Mickey with you, like things probably aren’t going to go as planned.

And his gimmick is that he has this huge scar on his head and he, and he apparently has a, a steel or metal plate. And so he just uses his head to bash things all the time. Uh it’s it’s kind of hilarious.

Todd: It is, but these two kids also like their main job apparently is delivering meals on wheels to old people. And so they both show up at the old parents at the old folks home. And that’s when we get introduced to this cast of old British actors and actresses, they all have their little quirks. So there’s their brand.

And, uh, his name is Ray and he’s played by Alan Ford, who is a classic, a British actor. And apparently this role was written for him. 

Craig: And he’s great in it. He’s like the hard ass old grandpa, but I totally believe. Like, oh yeah. I I’ve known old guys like this. Like their bad-ass is from back in the day and they’re not going to let the fact that they’re old now stop them from being grumpy, short tempered old bad-ass is 

Todd: I know you’re 

Craig: going to be knocking this place down in a few weeks time, but do you feel the need to rub it in as people hear about.

You yuppie twins. I really need to get these measurements. Okay. If you don’t sling Europe in five seconds time, I’m going to remnant and clipboards so far up your Iris, you’re going to have to shove your pen up your nose to write on it for free. He does a great job. He’s really strong. They also. Oh, a woman named Doreen.

Who’s like this super horny old, like 

Todd: you was hilarious. 

Craig: And she like, she’s feeling up and all like all, like she’s like pressing her body against, oh 

Todd: God, you like to come and fix my window latch. I just don’t know what to do about it.

Craig: Oh, it’s so funny. And through throughout the movie, like she’s worried about him and like when they eventually come back together, as she runs into his arms, like it’s super cute. And he just kind of humorous, or I actually kind of got this, like just a little bit of a hint that maybe, maybe. Humored her in the past, had a little 

Todd: taste

Craig: and then there’s Peggy. I don’t know her real name, but pussy galore works for me. And she’s a super sweet old lady who is sweet on Ray. Um, but that’s also great too, because when they start getting in big trouble and when the zombies are all around this sweet little old lady, she can totally. Hold her own too.

Like somebody hands her a gun and she’s like, and she’s inserting the clip and like cocking it. Like she knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s taken out 

Todd: sound BS. Oh 

Craig: God, it’s fantastic. And there’s more of them. Those are the most important one. There’s. Darryl. He’s like a crotchety old ex gangster type.

There’s Eric. Who’s a funny old guy in a wheelchair. There’s Hamus who’s this like likable old horn dog who spends his time, like ogling women through binoculars from his balcony. Who’s 

Todd: also hard of hearing and moves. Very, very slowly. Yeah. And I guess this was his last screen role, Richard, uh, Richard briers.

So 

Craig: yeah, he passed away either soon after, or maybe right before the movie came out. But cute. Cute. Cute. All of these old folks are super cute. I love them. I would totally go hang out with them and dance with them. Like

it’s adorable. Like before the zombies even come. Or just hanging out and like their common room and people are playing music and they’re singing together and dancing 

Todd: together. It is, it is cute. Right? I mean, it’s really, it’s sweet. If 

Craig: I ever end up in an old folks home, I hope it’s like this one. They all seem like they really like each other and they’re having a good time.

Like, 

Todd: yeah, it’s awesome. I think it makes it all the more important that Terry and Andy protect and preserve this by robbing a bank. That’s right, right. Yeah, no, you’re right. And I think, like you said, I think that’s the best part of the movie. It’s just the dynamic of the old people. I think it was. The younger guys, you know, when they finally have to come up against the zombies where I felt like, yeah, I’ve kind of seen all this before, but anyway.

Yeah. So they do that. They, uh, they, they all meet up. And then these guys, uh, Andy and, uh, Terry are assembling their crew of these guys and they’re in a van and then they go to the bank to Rob it. And the thing is they, they happen to dress as construction workers as they are. Cover, I guess we’re coming to the bank, even though all of them just came out of the back of a unmarked van, just outside the bank where they quickly huddle up and discuss their plan out in the open street.

I thought that was kind of funny, Danny. They, they walk in and, uh, the other thing that’s going on apparently is that the foreman or the owner of the construction company, or whatever has got some shady business or something going on where he’s either got to pay somebody. Or he’s got to return some money that he owed.

I don’t remember exactly what the deal was and. Eh, his person, or is it his wife or just his, I don’t know who works at the bank is expecting someone from the construction company to come and collect like 2 million pounds of a payoff or something. And these guys show up and before they could even get to the business of robbing the bank, she pops out and it’s like, oh, are you guys here for the money?

And they’re like, uh, well, yeah. And she’s like, all right, come on in, you know, Sits them down and starts to talk with them and then realizes in the office that, oh God, they, uh, they aren’t who I thought they were. And they realize, you know, they locked the door and mental Mickey gets his gun out and starts threatening her.

She’s pressed a little button under her thing to call the cops, but not before she ends up taking them down to the vault where they see all this big pile of money and they’re like, oh, well, So cool. We’ll just take this. 

Craig: And in the meantime, we have seen that the zombies are spreading. Like the construction site was the epicenter, but now they are moving out and they’ve already reached the old folks home.

One of the old folks has already spotted them. I think it’s, Hamus spotted them through his binoculars. And so they all. There they’re out there. And so this, this bank robbery goes wrong. Of course they hadn’t wanted to use their weapons at all, and they weren’t planning on it. But when they go to exit. The bank they’re surrounded by police.

Um, and pretty much, pretty much everybody is like, what are we going to do? You know, I guess we just have to surrender or whatever. And, but mental Mickey’s like, I’m not going down. And he goes out and just starts, like, he’s got a machine gun, like. And just start shooting at, at the police and they go, and then he comes back in and all the other folks, like, what are you doing?

We were going to use guns now we’re in even bigger trouble or whatever. And he’s like, I don’t care. Cause I’m mental Mickey and nobody’s going to take me down. And so they, so mental Mickey grabs a couple hostages, a man and a woman, um, Emma and Clive. Um, and, and they’re going to go out and they were coming out and we’ve got hostages, but when they go out, everybody outside is dead.

Todd: That was, to me, that was the funniest part of the whole movie. I laughed out loud at that point. Not only are they dead, but there’s like legs over here. It’s like a completely different scene that happened like within the last. Three minutes. They were inside. It’s 

Craig: entirely implausible because as we find out, as we find out very soon, these zombies are very slow moving.

Like as long as you’ve got it, it’s not like this is new. We’ve seen this in other movies too. As long as you don’t get. Cornered, you can just kind of fast walk around them.

It’s not really that big a deal, but somehow in three minutes they have decimated this whole 

Todd: that’s the gag. It is so funny. In the meantime at the old folks home, the old, uh, the old folks are having they’re singing and dancing, you know, fun time. And. Some zombies start to shamble towards there and then burst in through the back door as well.

And they’re able to offend themselves off pretty well. Actually. I think one of the nurses, the, the bigger nurse gets bit Ray grabs one of those, um, it’s like an implement. They were using to trim the hedges or something and takes a dude’s head. That was a very distractingly bad, special effect, but yeah.

Anyway, so then they, they end up kind of hold in there. So, so this is where, like the two stories are starting to kind of move forward, 

Craig: right. Because Terry and Andy are worried about, well, and they’re Katie, their cousin too. They’re they’re all worried about, um, their granddad. Another thing that I like about this movie is that everybody recognizes and acknowledges.

That it’s zombies right away. They don’t try to explain, explain it away in any other way. They’re not confused. Like the old people are like it’s zombies.

Todd: I love it. When she says. Well, when they come out and they, and she says, I think it’s, this is not the old people, but this is the young people. This is when the, uh, when they’re standing outside, just looking at the decimated thing and they see people shambling towards them. And I think it might be mental Mickey or somebody says, you know, who wouldn’t, what, what in the heck is this?

And Katie says, I think it’s zombies. And they’re like, no way a guy like shambles towards them as guts fallout. That man is eating an arm, like, okay, fair enough. And they hop in their van and take off. Yeah. 

Craig: Uh, yeah. And they do, they all, they all hop in the van. They, they make the mistake of bringing an injured person.

With my guess out of compassion, that that person immediately turns into a zombie and they have to Mickey us to shoot her out the back. The young folks end up, I don’t know what it is. It’s like a factory or a warehouse or something that they end up in. And there’s a, a chain like. Um, fence that they’re able to close behind them and lock.

So there, there are some zombies in there and for the most part, they dispatch them right away. But they’re able to keep this big hoard of zombies that are following them out. And they’re in there for a while, Mickey right away. Gets bit like he takes out one zombie, but then I feel like another zombie, like, and it’s so stupid.

Like he shoots it in both arms and then both legs. And before he can shoot it in the head with his huge gun, that he has a name for it, bites him on the arm and then he shoots it in the head and blows his head completely off except the job. Remains connected to his arm and just stays there for the next five or 10 minutes, which I thought was pretty 

Todd: hilarious.

That was a gag I had never seen before in a XOM calm for sure. This just a zombie still latched onto his arm. And he’s like, well,

Craig: don’t worry about it. It’s fine.

And I probably not as bad as.

Todd: Finally you prize it off, but of course that’s an issue cause everybody knows about zombies, biting people, blah, blah, blah. So again, in this world, there’s no question, like everybody knows the rules. And so that was kind of cool, but he brushes it off. Like it’s not going to be a big deal. In the meantime, the old folks are kind of trying to take stock of who all is there.

And uh, they’re like, oh, we’re missing. It was it, it was a Hom Hamish, right? Hamish where’s Hamish. Oh, well we saw him, he was out in the garden, so they go in there, the kitchen or something, they opened the window and they see him napping on a chair, out in the garden and surrounded by zombies. I 

Craig: thought that was hilarious.

Because the zombies aren’t paying any attention to him because you know, he’s just laying there. He could be dead for all day now. Oh, it’s so funny. And they yell out the window. Oh God, that might be one of my favorite parts too. They’re like, Hey miss. Hey, miss. And he finally wakes up and he’s like, wow, these are all around this.

Starting to come after him. Yeah. They’re starting to move towards him. And, um, whoever’s I think it’s Ray yelling at him. Hey, mish there’s zombies. They’re right behind you. Nope. Doesn’t work. Can’t hear yet. Hold on, hold on, 

Todd: hold on, hold on. 

Craig: And he slowly gets up and he’s got his Walker. He’s like, oh, hold on.

I’ve got met. And they’re still yelling at. Uh, K area, 

Todd: but bless his heart. My grandfather was like this. He was like this crotchety guy who, you know, had hearing aids and they didn’t make any bit of difference. And, you know, you would just have these charming, but frustrating moments with him where he just can’t hear what the hell you’re trying to say.

Finally, he goes zombies and he turns, I look around and it kind of turns around. I was like, oh, So he starts moving on his Walker 

Craig: and biggest move any faster, but he already was. He 

Todd: can’t, he can’t move any faster. And thankfully the zombies can’t move any faster than him on his Walker either. So suddenly the music kicks into high gear and it’s like, like, it’s this crazy chase scene.

We get these close ups on him and close ups on the zombies. And then, you know, that shot from far away where it just like he’s still on his Walker. 

Craig: Yes. Just slowly. Oh, it’s fun because Ray’s like, I’m going to go get him. And he takes the wheelchair from the guy who’s in a wheelchair to get him. And, uh, they opened the door.

There is zombies all out there, but they’re just like beating on them like Peggy and, and the other Doreen are just like whacking at these zombies to let Ray get out. And he runs out there with the wheelchair and he gets Hamish in the wheelchair and then Hamish is holding his Walker out in front of him.

And they’re just like plowing through zombie. 

Todd: It’s so silly, 

Craig: but so funny. It is, it got honestly, okay. Uh, full disclosure. Um, Todd and I. Uh, make our schedules work last week. So I watched this movie like two weeks ago. So as I’m talking about it now, I’m just remembering it. And honestly, I think that my memories of it and talking about it are funnier than it actually was.

Todd: I didn’t think 

Craig: about it and talking about it. Oh, well it’s funny. It conceptually, that’s hilarious. 

Todd: Right in execution. It’s still 

Craig: pretty funny. It’s still pretty. These old people are, these old people are very committed to their roles and it’s, it’s very tongue in cheek and it’s very cute. Oh, Meanwhile, the city is burning.

Emma and Clive are still prisoners. Um, Emma begs to leave. Apparently she has a, a sick sister that, uh, is incapacitated that she feels like she needs to check on, but Mickey takes the van keys away. Car keys or whatever away from one of the guys. And he’s obviously looking sick. Like they know he’s going to turn, but he also has big guns.

So they can’t really do anything. He gets attacked again. And there’s a moment where he breaks the zombies neck, but that still doesn’t kill it. So he just keeps turning it and he turns the zombies head around 360 degrees and then rips it off. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Um, 

so 

Todd: bad-ass, so then he ends up.

With those guys tied up, he ties up the prisoners and he sits down on a chair and it looks like he’s about to be gone. And then finally he does, he turns and he starts to go after them and the others rush in. And then there was this hilarious moment, which, you know, is a setup we should have seen coming, but it did surprise me where finally they’ve got his gun and they start shooting him in the head.

But because he has a metal plate on his head, it’s not working the bullets bounce right 

Craig: off. That was so funny too. Like that’s, that’s all. You find yourself as an audience member, always shouting at people, the head, the head, shoot him in the head and in this moment they totally do, but it doesn’t work as he’s got a steel 

Todd: Chrome.

Craig: Okay. But, oh, so they take a, a grenade because Mickey L’s red grenades, they take your grenade and I, what do they, I don’t remember what they do with it. Do they stick in his mouth 

Todd: or 

Craig: stick in his mouth or something? He blows 

Todd: up or what explodes through all this ordeal. One of the prisoners gets free the guy and he gets the gun and I think he ends up accidentally.

Shooting tuppence. Right? So tuppence is yeah. 

Craig: Any dyes, which is sad, but you expect there to be casualties. He wasn’t really a big character anyway. No, he really wasn’t. So then we, the people that are left are Andy and Terry, the brothers, Katie, their cousin, and Emma, the hostage. And they’re going to head for the old folks home, but.

They’re super nice. So they say that they’re gonna drop Emma at her sister’s place the zombies break into the compound. As they try to leave fighting shooting, blah, blah, blah. They get them all off. Meanwhile, back at the old folks’ home, the old folks, uh, are, are planning because they’re, they’re just.

Locked up in like the kitchen and there are zombies all around. Like there are windows all around, uh, their doors and they can with windows and they can see the zombies all around. And they’re like, what are we going to do? There’s nothing we can do. And they’re like somebody, maybe Ray, maybe somebody else says, well, we can fight.

And they’re like, well with what? And so they just start like grabbing. Kitchen implements and stuff. All right. Well, that’s about it. What have we got? They were facing go down fight. What do you think that somebody might come up? Somebody rescuers, nobody cares. We’re on our own we’re old age pensioners. We got to take care of ourselves.

Oops. These old folks are ready to go down, fighting. Cute, but they go check on Emma sister. We never see him. His sister, Emma goes into her apartment and we just hear noise and she’s been turned into a zombie. So she sticks with. And they don’t know what they’re going to do because there are so many, they want to go help the old people, but they’re like, surely the zombies are around there too.

What are we going to do? So they go, they’re like, we don’t have any weapons. And somebody says, wait a second. Doesn’t Mickey have weapons. And they have his keys. So they go to like, he lives in a storage container or 

Todd: something like that. Yeah. 

Craig: And so they go there and they open it up and it is an arsenal, like you’ve never seen.

And I also loved that scene too. Like they just have these big duffel bags in there. Stuffing them full of like machine guns and hand guns and swords. And yes, they have so much artillery. Uh, 

Todd: but then they’re like, how are we going to get there? Yada, yada. And uh, they say something to Katie about, you know, can you hotline, you can hot wire a car.

Right. And she’s like, yeah, sure. And the next thing you see is they are driving and driving down the street in a big double Decker red. Classic 

Craig: classic 

Todd: classic that made me chuckle. I thought, yeah. Okay. We’re going, we’re going very strong in the London branding here, right? 

Craig: Yeah. Cool. And I can’t believe I spent that whole summer in London and I never once rode one of those buses and I actually kind of regret it.

Todd: I think. 

Craig: Oh, my God. Yeah, they’re still there. It’s so funny to watch them. I mean, it is like, it’s, it’s a nice one. Like it’s nice and shiny and new. Um, but being a bus, it’s also kind of open in the back where people can board and whatnot. And so they’re kind of having to shoot zombies out of the boarding area.

Is it, 

Todd: is it Katie who shoots a zombie out of the back and, or is it the other girl? I don’t remember, but anyway, it kind of surprises everybody that she was able to blow them away. Then she turns around. No ticket. And I’m like, come on. I was like, uh, and this is what I meant earlier. I felt like there were a few more than a few moments like this in the movie where it’s like, okay, I realize that it’s supposed to be funny, but kind of a Groaner.

Craig: Yeah, I get it. I mean, it’s a cheap, easy joke, but it, it, it made me smile is silly.

So they do, they get to the old folks home, but the zombies are surrounding it. So Emma is like, well, I’ll cause a diversion. You guys get the old folks. So she like. Like calls to the zombies and like draws them to the bus and then she gets in the bus and drives away and they’re able to get in to the old folks’ home through a skylight or something like that, which is, yeah, it’s kind of a funny scene because they open it up and re.

Folks are right there. Like they think the zombies are coming in, so they’re right there, like ready to kill them. And they’re like, ah, and it’s kind of a. Reunion, but they, they, they get in and they are up all the old folks, which is such a great scene. They give Peggy a gun. She totally knows how to use it.

Um, whoever it is that has the Walker, like they duct tape.

Todd: That is funny. 

Craig: Do the same thing to the wheelchair. Oh my God. And so they, they, they blow up the zombies in the lobby cause they’re going to go out the front and they come out with their guns and the swords blazing. Um, one of the old guys, Derek. Uh, it gets attacked by his army and it starts biting him on the leg and he’s like, ha ha Rog leg.

And it turns out it’s a prosthetic leg that he then takes off and beats this. 

Todd: Yes,

you’re right though. When we’re talking, when we’re talking about it, it seems, it feels a lot funnier than it felt when I was wow. I 

Craig: know I’m telling the why they get out. Ima comes back with a bus. Um, they all get on the bus in nature. I have a way. And then there’s a really cute scene where the grandpa Ray.

Somehow it comes out that they had robbed a bank. You wrote the bank after all. I tried to change it up, back working for a living after we’re happy about my dad called rush us house

two and a half million.

That was really stupid, good off million. It was irresponsible and wrong. She definitely got the McGuire jeans and, you know, angry. You wish present the mic. Show me in this love what type of terrible you risk your lives. Become a savers. I’m impressed. But if you ever do it again or shoot shit on an affair, he called me right.

Todd: So you think that scene is cute? I thought it was silly. I thought it was really, really silly. Uh, I, that didn’t ring for me, even in the car. 

Craig: It totally did for me. Cause I could see, I CA I, I don’t know. I could, I could see getting the. Talk from my dad. Like, God, you really shouldn’t Rob banks, but thanks. I love you.

By the way. I have no idea when this episode will air, but as we’re recording right now, it’s my dad’s birthday. Happy birthday, dad. 

Todd: Love. Have you, when did you get them? I hope it was 2 

Craig: million pounds and nothing right after this. I’m going over to have lunch with them that my mom is cooking and I’m not bringing anything to her.

So I guess, so I guess I’m giving him the luxury of my present, present. 

Todd: So this is what it’s come to. Huh? 

Craig: They’re there. They’re not wealthy people, but. It’s financially stable. They are okay, 

Todd: who’s your money there? They 

Craig: don’t need my money. They just need my live. Um, but it seems like this is going to be a happy ending.

Like they’re going to drive off into the sunset and the bus, but then the bus dies, but they’re near the river. The teams, I assume. And, um, so there they’re like maybe we should find a boat and so looking for a boat, um, and there are still zombies everywhere, but they do find a boat and they, everybody jumps in and Peggy takes like, We’ll and find the keys and starts to 

Todd: take off.

She finds the key up above, under like the liken 

Craig: advisor 

Todd: advisor. So silly. 

Craig: It’s pretty funny. And they start to take off, but as it turns out, they have failed to, uh, Untie, one of the chains that was Moring the boat, Ray leaps to the chore, the shore, and unchanged it. And he’s like, if you watch something and died, you got to do it yourself.

We’ve got some it down. Do it. Your self used to look off the. And Peggy and get a good job or I come back on. So then the zombies attack, Ray, and they’re like, you know, just dozens of them. Completely piled on him and his grandkids are going to try to rescue him, but it looks like there’s just no fricking way.

Todd: This is going to be our emotional moment of the movie. You know, we’re like he goes down and sacrificing himself for his kids and, you know, our grandsons, I mean, It’s starting to feel poignant, although I will, I will say like, I mean, this wasn’t the kind of movie, I think that was going to draw my heartstrings that deeply.

Um, it just seemed like that would be the arc 

Craig: totally. 

Todd: At this. Suddenly you see zombies start to go down. W w w was it Andy jumps back onto shore as well? To go save him or no, I 

Craig: think all three of them do all three. I don’t remember who it is. All I remember is that I feel like the kids kind of realize there’s nothing we can do at which point Ray starts shooting his way out of the Lord.

And he does like, he shoots his way out of the hoard and he stands up all triumphantly and then there’s like a very, uh, gratuitous, but at the same time, like, You’re rooting for them like family gunfight, and they’re all like tossing weapons to each other and helping each other out. Um, and it’s fun again, the, the CGI blood splatter is distracting, but other than that, it’s fun.

It’s a satisfying moment. And then the very last moment they see the, the corporate construction guy who. In charge of demolishing the, uh, old folks home and they all sh he’s a zombie and they all shoot him. And then they all get back on the boat and Ray and Peggy kiss, the horny old jury latches on to AMD.

And then Ray gives this whole speech about how, you know, we’re EastEnders. We’ve been here forever. We’ll bounce back and they’re shooting people on shore from the boat, and then that’s the end. And then there’s a good credit sequence to, again, with more fun music, you know, overall, this isn’t a movie that I would cite as one of my favorites.

It’s not something that I would ever return to. Um, but I am not. Upset at having seen it. It had its good parts. It did, it had its good parts and it was, it was funny and entertaining. I wasn’t bored. Um, it’s, it’s just shy of an hour and a half, which is great. There were charming things about it that I really liked about it.

Um, so Francis, I apologize if I am not as enthusiastic about this, as you may have hoped that I would be, but that. That’s not to say that I don’t understand why you and others like it, it is cute. And it is charming. It’s very British that may have something to do with it. Like maybe if I were British, I would appreciate it a little bit for you.

Maybe, you know, if somebody, if somebody said, Hey, have you ever watched this? Um, I’d say, yeah. And they should I watch it? Sure. I mean, like it’s not a, it’s not a bad movie. It’s, it’s cute. It’s cute. I like, kind of like, yeah, it’s light. I’m not going to go, you know, Shouting out in the streets that people need to see it, but I appreciated it for what it was.

It was a good time. It was a nice hour and a half distraction. Um, and I I’m, I’m glad we will, as always, as I always say, this is a movie that I would not have watched, had it not been. For a request from one of our, of our listeners. And I appreciate that. I’m glad to have seen it. Um, I had a really, really, 

Todd: yes, more stuff, even more than watching them through.

Craig: So thank you, Francis. Um, and, and all of you out there. Keep the requests coming. And if you requested something a long time ago, be like Francis and keep, 

Todd: keep a few years. If you just keep.

Craig: Gently and Francis has been so nice every time. Just nice as can be. Oh, by the way. I’d still like to hear 

Todd: so, 

Craig: so, so thank you Francis and thank you to all of you out there who listened to us and support us and, and message us and, um, send us requests. Uh, it makes us feel good. We really like it and we try to do what 

Todd: we can for ya.

How do you know Francis. The movie, Craig, maybe he’s going to agree. Absolutely. What was the, we did one request once and the person was like, yeah, I hated it too. I don’t know why you think I liked it. I didn’t say I liked curtains. I haven’t thought I couldn’t wait to hear you guys rip it apart. Uh, I echo everything you say, man.

And, and, and I, like, I S like you said, it was just, it was okay. It was fine. It was cute. It was, it wasn’t particularly clever, but it had its moments. It was nice to see these older actors and spend some time with them and see the cute interactions. It did have a few moments that had me chuckling. Like you said you just can’t help, but compare it to Shaun of the dead or something like that.

And it just, it didn’t reach that level of clever and unique. So, uh, yeah, I, I probably, I would rewatch Shaun of the dead in a heartbeat. And this movie I, I’m probably not going to turn on again. All right. Well, thank you so much, everyone for listening. If you have a request as Craig’s. Just a Google as two guys in a chainsaw podcasts.

And then you’ll find our Facebook page, our Twitter feed and, or our website. And you can leave us a comment or send us a message in any one of those places. We will respond to you and we will add your request to the list and we will get to it sooner. Also, if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with a friend.

We’d love to extend our listenership. We’re here. We’re on YouTube as well. In case you like to fire up videos and then just listen. I don’t know. I don’t know who chooses to listen to a sudden YouTube. Maybe it’s just, 

Craig: I listen to audio books on YouTube. So who 

Todd: knows? Oh, well that’s why we’re there. Uh, until next time I’m Todd and I’m Craig with Two Guys and a Chainsaw.


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